Still no letter.
Still no call.
It's been a week since I've heard anything from him.
I don't like this.
I want to know he's ok and thinking about me.
I'm in a weird funk and I just can't seem to get out of it. I need something to cheer me up...
like, a letter.
I'm seriously going crazy. I need some kind of word from him.
Maybe tomorrow...maybe tomorrow.
PLEASE, tomorrow. I can't take this waiting much longer.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Today is/was
Today is me and Ben's 5 year 2 month anniversary. I wish I could tell him I love him.
Today was my first day of classes...or should I say CLASS. Yeah, I only have one class on Wednesdays. Pretty nice. Hopefully, I will be able to work at the daycare in the morning. I have 4 novels to read in that class, plus 2 textbooks. I only have to write papers on 2 of the books though, so I might just cliff note the other 2.
Tomorrow is the beginning of my 8am classes. I'm kind of confused about everything though, and I've tried contacting the teacher, my advisor, and the curriculum instructor for EDCI classes, and no one can seem to help me. I'm just going to go to class and if it's messed up, they're going to have to fix it, because I've been contacting people since I first got an email from my teacher on Monday.
I think I'm going to go and write Ben a letter.
*I'm really lonely*
Today was my first day of classes...or should I say CLASS. Yeah, I only have one class on Wednesdays. Pretty nice. Hopefully, I will be able to work at the daycare in the morning. I have 4 novels to read in that class, plus 2 textbooks. I only have to write papers on 2 of the books though, so I might just cliff note the other 2.
Tomorrow is the beginning of my 8am classes. I'm kind of confused about everything though, and I've tried contacting the teacher, my advisor, and the curriculum instructor for EDCI classes, and no one can seem to help me. I'm just going to go to class and if it's messed up, they're going to have to fix it, because I've been contacting people since I first got an email from my teacher on Monday.
I think I'm going to go and write Ben a letter.
*I'm really lonely*
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Everything will be alright.
Yes, everything will be alright. Every day, I check the mail, hoping to see a letter from Ben. I know it's coming soon...and it's making me crazy waiting for it! I've got another set to send out to him, along with pictures of my room. Here's how my room is set up this year:
Picture wall, door to bathroom
I turned my desk on it's side...now it's a tv/microwave stand
2 closets, dresser in between
Computer desk, picture wall
Fridge. Cool pictures and magnets
Yearly photo collages.
(too bad the one on the far left fell off the wall and broke the outer part. Now it's in a different spot with no glass/hard plastic protecting the pictures)
My big, lonely, empty bed.
Picture wall, door to bathroom
I turned my desk on it's side...now it's a tv/microwave stand
2 closets, dresser in between
Computer desk, picture wall
Fridge. Cool pictures and magnets
Yearly photo collages.
(too bad the one on the far left fell off the wall and broke the outer part. Now it's in a different spot with no glass/hard plastic protecting the pictures)
School starts tomorrow. I only have one class...and it's in the afternoon! Hopefully, they'll be able to use me in the daycare in the mornings. (I really hope so!) I got bumped up in pay, so now I'm making what I should have been making to begin with. Some of the people working last year definitely didn't deserve to even make mininum wage! It's nice to be back though, I sure do love the kids there!
I'm off to bed.
I'm off to bed.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Back to the burg
Yes, I'm back in Warrensburg. I've got my room set up...all I've got to do is get the rest of my snapshots up on my wall. It was pretty easy setting everything up. For as many boxes as I had, My room is pretty wide open. I didn't bring any furniture or anything, so I guess that helps. I've got pictures EVERYWHERE. 4 movie poster frame collages plus my soon to be finished wall of pictures will make me very happy.
I'm counting down the days until I get my first letter from Ben. When he called, he said he'd write me as soon as he possible could. I know he will. I could tell that he missed me as much as I miss him. I'm continuing to write him every day, and I'll just send along a few days in each letter. I think that might be easier than sending one letter every single day. I sure can't wait until I see him!
Tomorrow I go into work at 11:30. Not sure what time I get off, but it doesn't really matter. I don't really have anything going on tomorrow besides going to see the hypnotist at 10 or something like that. Oh, and a floor meeting at 7:30. I'm going to try to go to as many CA programs as I can this semester because I know how frustrating it is to not have any participation. It's quite lame. I'm so excited about going into the daycare and seeing all the kids! I can't wait to see how much they've grown! I'm debating riding my bike to work. I guess it depends on how hot it is. I need the exercise, so perhaps I will.
My ear is healing. I can tell, because the spray is now loosening up scaps and there's some yellow stuff coming off when I wipe it clean. Same thing happened with all my other piercings, minus the nose. I'm glad...I'm sick of it being so damn sore.
I've got my first class on Wednesday. Only one class I've realized! Pretty exciting, right? I thought I had 8am classes everyday, but I see now that Wednesday classes don't start until the afternoon. Besides the weekend, I think that will be my favorite day of the week. The rest of my classes start at 8am! Blech.
Ashley, Paul, Chip, Chelsea, Chuck, Tim, Matt, and Sara came to visit me today. It was quite nice to have some company. I was fully expecting to spend the day alone. Nice little surprise.
I wrote Ben and told him that I would be down for getting married in a courthouse in TX when I come visit him for his graduation. We had casually mentioned it this summer, and I gave it more thought, and there's really no reason not to. We can always have a ceremony when he gets back. I think it's a good idea! I just hope that it won't make our ceremony less special, but I doubt it. I want to be married to that man. I always knew it, but being away from him has made me realize just how much I want to.
I'm off to bed. Pretty tired, it's been a long day.
I'm counting down the days until I get my first letter from Ben. When he called, he said he'd write me as soon as he possible could. I know he will. I could tell that he missed me as much as I miss him. I'm continuing to write him every day, and I'll just send along a few days in each letter. I think that might be easier than sending one letter every single day. I sure can't wait until I see him!
Tomorrow I go into work at 11:30. Not sure what time I get off, but it doesn't really matter. I don't really have anything going on tomorrow besides going to see the hypnotist at 10 or something like that. Oh, and a floor meeting at 7:30. I'm going to try to go to as many CA programs as I can this semester because I know how frustrating it is to not have any participation. It's quite lame. I'm so excited about going into the daycare and seeing all the kids! I can't wait to see how much they've grown! I'm debating riding my bike to work. I guess it depends on how hot it is. I need the exercise, so perhaps I will.
My ear is healing. I can tell, because the spray is now loosening up scaps and there's some yellow stuff coming off when I wipe it clean. Same thing happened with all my other piercings, minus the nose. I'm glad...I'm sick of it being so damn sore.
I've got my first class on Wednesday. Only one class I've realized! Pretty exciting, right? I thought I had 8am classes everyday, but I see now that Wednesday classes don't start until the afternoon. Besides the weekend, I think that will be my favorite day of the week. The rest of my classes start at 8am! Blech.
Ashley, Paul, Chip, Chelsea, Chuck, Tim, Matt, and Sara came to visit me today. It was quite nice to have some company. I was fully expecting to spend the day alone. Nice little surprise.
I wrote Ben and told him that I would be down for getting married in a courthouse in TX when I come visit him for his graduation. We had casually mentioned it this summer, and I gave it more thought, and there's really no reason not to. We can always have a ceremony when he gets back. I think it's a good idea! I just hope that it won't make our ceremony less special, but I doubt it. I want to be married to that man. I always knew it, but being away from him has made me realize just how much I want to.
I'm off to bed. Pretty tired, it's been a long day.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
A wonderful surprise
So there I was, sitting in my room Friday afternoon painting a birdhouse when my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, but I answer it anyway.
IT'S BEN!
I immediately start crying, it just came like a wave. I was so relieved to hear from him, and I miss hearing his voice so much! He gave me his address, and told me that he was doing just fine. He said that this is something that he can do, and he's doing it all for me. He told me that some guy had tried to commit suicide earlier today. Ben was in a briefing, and the guy had gone into his bathroom and cut his wrists. Very scary! He couldn't talk long, I'm sure there was a line behind him, but he told me that he'd write me as soon as his superiors gave him permission. He told me to write and to send pictures of myself. It wasn't 2 hours later that I had the pictures developed and was getting his letters sent.
I miss him so much, it's almost unbearable. This whole week, I have felt like a hermit. I haven't wanted to hang out...I've just been wanting to be alone. Even at work, I'm irritable and grouchy, wanting to get back to my cozy little room where I can be alone with my thoughts. The only way I can describe how I'm feeling is that I feel like half of me is missing.
Please, tell me this gets easier.
IT'S BEN!
I immediately start crying, it just came like a wave. I was so relieved to hear from him, and I miss hearing his voice so much! He gave me his address, and told me that he was doing just fine. He said that this is something that he can do, and he's doing it all for me. He told me that some guy had tried to commit suicide earlier today. Ben was in a briefing, and the guy had gone into his bathroom and cut his wrists. Very scary! He couldn't talk long, I'm sure there was a line behind him, but he told me that he'd write me as soon as his superiors gave him permission. He told me to write and to send pictures of myself. It wasn't 2 hours later that I had the pictures developed and was getting his letters sent.
I miss him so much, it's almost unbearable. This whole week, I have felt like a hermit. I haven't wanted to hang out...I've just been wanting to be alone. Even at work, I'm irritable and grouchy, wanting to get back to my cozy little room where I can be alone with my thoughts. The only way I can describe how I'm feeling is that I feel like half of me is missing.
Please, tell me this gets easier.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Day One
I dropped Ben off last night.
It's only been a day, and I already miss him.
I don't like going to sleep without telling him, "Goodnight, I love you."
It's only been a day, and I already miss him.
I don't like going to sleep without telling him, "Goodnight, I love you."
Saying "So long" to my darling.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Goodbye until September, Ben.
What.
A.
DAY.
Last night, got a bad stomach ache at around midnight. I couldn't even lay on my bed without feeling like I had to throw up. After several trips to the bathroom, I finally threw up three times. I gagged myself, because I knew I would feel better afterwards. I did. I went back up to my room and laid down on my bed and finally managed to fall asleep. I kept thinking, "Please, just let this be painful tonight, I want to be ok for tomorrow!" For the most part, I was, I've just had a giant gas bubble in my stomach all day and at times, it's hard to walk. I wasn't going to be sick on this day though, no way!
I picked Ben up from his house and we drove to Grandview. We went to his recruitment office and hung around there until the shuttle showed up to pick him up and take him to the hotel. Finally, it arrived and I followed it to the Marriot up near Broadway and 12th st. We left from there and ate some Denny's (his choice) for lunch. After that, we drove to Westport and walked around for a bit. We decided to stop in Freaks to see how much it would cost to get my rook pierced. Only $35, so I ended up doing it. I'm very pleased with it, and have been wanting that piercing for a LONG time. Chelsea met us up there and from there we went to a speciality smoke shop and then to Tea Drops for some Bubble Tea (YUM!). Justin met us there, and we walked up to a comic book store. I swear, they have some of the weirdest stuff in there, but some pretty cool stuff too. Ben found some laser discs that were priced VERY cheap and got them. I'm keeping watch over them until he gets back. Afterwards, we went to another comic book store and Chip met us there. Next was Streetside Records (OVER PRICED!) and then on to Westport Flea Market (again, Ben's choice of course). Ate some dinner, Ben drank a bit of beer...and then the dreaded time came....
It was time to take Ben back to the hotel.
Justin came along to help me out of the city. When I got out of the car to hug and kiss Ben goodbye, I couldn't help but cry...and he teared up and got choked up too. It made me cry even more. I can't even begin to explain how much I'm going to miss that boy while he's away. I am going to be so lonely. Justin and Chelsea have both been great saying that I'm strong and that they're here for me.
In September, I'm going out to TX to see him graduate. I'm thinking about flying out because I don't think I'm going to want to drive 15 hours and pay a HELL of a lot for gas. It'd be about the same price if not cheaper to fly out there and a lot less hassle. It just depends on if I can afford it. I'd better make a decision about it soon so I can go ahead and purchase a ticket. Ah well.
I won't hear from Ben until Sunday or Monday. I'm sure I'll have a lot to tell him and he'll have a lot to tell me. I can't wait to hear that lovely phone ring with him on the other end. That phone is going to be GLUED to me on those days!
A.
DAY.
Last night, got a bad stomach ache at around midnight. I couldn't even lay on my bed without feeling like I had to throw up. After several trips to the bathroom, I finally threw up three times. I gagged myself, because I knew I would feel better afterwards. I did. I went back up to my room and laid down on my bed and finally managed to fall asleep. I kept thinking, "Please, just let this be painful tonight, I want to be ok for tomorrow!" For the most part, I was, I've just had a giant gas bubble in my stomach all day and at times, it's hard to walk. I wasn't going to be sick on this day though, no way!
I picked Ben up from his house and we drove to Grandview. We went to his recruitment office and hung around there until the shuttle showed up to pick him up and take him to the hotel. Finally, it arrived and I followed it to the Marriot up near Broadway and 12th st. We left from there and ate some Denny's (his choice) for lunch. After that, we drove to Westport and walked around for a bit. We decided to stop in Freaks to see how much it would cost to get my rook pierced. Only $35, so I ended up doing it. I'm very pleased with it, and have been wanting that piercing for a LONG time. Chelsea met us up there and from there we went to a speciality smoke shop and then to Tea Drops for some Bubble Tea (YUM!). Justin met us there, and we walked up to a comic book store. I swear, they have some of the weirdest stuff in there, but some pretty cool stuff too. Ben found some laser discs that were priced VERY cheap and got them. I'm keeping watch over them until he gets back. Afterwards, we went to another comic book store and Chip met us there. Next was Streetside Records (OVER PRICED!) and then on to Westport Flea Market (again, Ben's choice of course). Ate some dinner, Ben drank a bit of beer...and then the dreaded time came....
It was time to take Ben back to the hotel.
Justin came along to help me out of the city. When I got out of the car to hug and kiss Ben goodbye, I couldn't help but cry...and he teared up and got choked up too. It made me cry even more. I can't even begin to explain how much I'm going to miss that boy while he's away. I am going to be so lonely. Justin and Chelsea have both been great saying that I'm strong and that they're here for me.
In September, I'm going out to TX to see him graduate. I'm thinking about flying out because I don't think I'm going to want to drive 15 hours and pay a HELL of a lot for gas. It'd be about the same price if not cheaper to fly out there and a lot less hassle. It just depends on if I can afford it. I'd better make a decision about it soon so I can go ahead and purchase a ticket. Ah well.
I won't hear from Ben until Sunday or Monday. I'm sure I'll have a lot to tell him and he'll have a lot to tell me. I can't wait to hear that lovely phone ring with him on the other end. That phone is going to be GLUED to me on those days!
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