Seriously?

Ok, so it really hurts knowing that you would rather hang out with other people.
You ditch me when I go to your house, almost every single time. I follow you around like some stupid puppy, and I fucking hate it. You should want to be around me when I drive down. I drive 20 fucking minutes to hang out with you, so why is that so hard?
You always ride with other people, too. Not just today. I don't care today because your friend is in town. But you pick Chip over me. Almost all the time. Usually, I end up riding with Tim, by myself.

It's not fun.


It's really depressing being the girlfriend of someone who would rather hang out with other people.

I've got quite a week ahead of me!

Landon and Nikole are coming into town sometime today to visit Ben for the last time before he leaves for basic training...in 15 days. We're going to Warrensburg on Tuesday, and perhaps Zona Rosa on Monday. I'm very excited about all of it.

It's scary to think that I'm going to be without Ben for so long. I won't get to see him while he's in basic at all...until he graduates. I'll be able to drive down for that. When he's in tech school, I'll be able to go visit on weekends and probably spring break. It's going to be hard, but the benefits we both will reap are completely worth it!

Last night, my brother got upset because Ben beat him arm wrestling. I laid across his back, he jumped off, threw me down, then started shoving me repeatedly as hard as he could. Of course, mom didn't see this, but Joan did and tried to step in. As a result of his violence, my shoulder flared up again and I could hardly move it the rest of the night. Mom tried to make him say sorry, but that boy doesn't care about anyone else but him. No punishment for him. Nothing at all. Mom says, "Nothing works." That's because nothing is done. You can't say nothing works if you don't try anything. It's getting to the point where I could care less to have him in my life. He's so bipolar about how he treats people, and I don't deserve or need to put up with it.

Soooooo...last night, mom mentioned something about Karmella's little ordeal with the vet. She called her, "A thousand dollar baby".
So the dog gets medical treatment...$1000 worth...and I'm dealing with shoulder pains and no one can help me.
I'm complaining too much, but it all just doesn't seem fair. I work so hard in everything I do, but I get treated no better than my good for nothing brother and the dog.

I'm off to work. Hopefully, it'll be very slow and I can just bum around all night.

Damn infomercials

Stop telling the world that that we're fat. Yeah, some of us are. I don't need a bazillion infomercials selling me every kind of exercise machine/diet pill/nutrition system/etc... on TV every single day.

It's annoying.

Also, I went shopping for myself today for the first time since right after Christmas when Jack gave me money specifically for me to go shopping for myself. I got 4 new shirts, some new undies, and some nose rings.
Landon and Nikole are coming out tomorrow, and I suppose we might go back to Zona Rosa on Monday. (Hopefully!) Bekah wants to go VERY bad, and I hope she gets to come if we go!

No punishments for the weak.

It's very frustrating being the ONLY one at my house with an actual job right now.

Sure, my step-dad doesn't need to work. He could live off the income/interest from all of his investments for the rest of his life.

My mom is taking care of Grandad right now, so work has kind of gotten pushed back.

My parents have not been able to teach my brother the value of a dollar. He expects everyone to just bend over backwards and buy him whatever he wants, WHEN he wants. He'll act like he's the center of the world, and then ask you to order him a pizone (whatever that is).
Today, he told me he wanted me to go to the concert with me tonight. Here's how the convo went:

M: Do you even have money?
A: Yeah, I worked yesterday.
M: Well, maybe you should save that to pay for your phone bill.
A: Nah. It gets paid for.
M: Yeah, by me sometimes.
A: So what? It's only $30.
M: Yeah, $30 of my own hard earned money.
A: So what? You have a job.

I then promptly kicked him off of MY computer and told him that he could WALK to the swimming pool (to which he has a season pass to) instead of me driving him.
He replied: Oh, you really taught me a lesson.

I cannot WAIT until he gets out into the real world. I hope it humbles him and he gets knocked down.
It's terrible for me to say, but he needs to learn a lesson, and it's obvious that my mom and Jack aren't teaching it to him.

He never gets punished, not even for running up our phone bill with long distance calls for the third month in a row. (Our land line). Instead of him being punished or having to pay the difference, he lies, says that the calls weren't made by him, and nothing is done.
I can remember getting punished for not turning off the air conditioner after being told ONCE before. Know what my punishment was? No TV for 6 FUCKING MONTHS.

Yeah. Seem fair?
No.

Why is it that Joan can't park on the side of the street when she comes to visit? Why is it that EVERY SINGLE TIME she parks in my spot on the driveway? It's MY house, and the other side of the driveway is used for my mom and Jack to get in and out of the garage to go here and there throughout the day. So why does she think it's ok that she takes my spot and makes me park on the street?
I know this seems trivial, but damn. EVERY TIME!

Tonight was fun. Went over to Julia's house with Ben and visited with her and her family. We reminisced about sweet times when she was our boss and talked about the future and what it holds. Going to be EXCITING! Afterwards, we went to halfway and met up with Chip, Chelsea, and Tim. Had some good chats and some great laughs.

1. I cannot wait to play Guitar Hero 80s edition
2. I cannot wait to watch 300 again
3. I'm going to watch Jurassic Park 3 tonight while I fall asleep
4. I hate every VH1 "Fabulous Life Of..."
5. I'm the door-lady tomorrow at the concert in Harrisonville. Sweeeet. I get paid, don't have to pay to get in, and get something to do!
6. I'm excited about shopping on Saturday, then the date Saturday night. Going to be AMAZING! (and the money I get paid on Friday will be my gas money to get up to Zona Rosa! Whoopee!)
That's all for my list.

So today, I decided to take some initiative. Ben was robbed in late November, early December. They found all of his stuff in this black kid's room in the same dorm during CA room checks for Christmas break. He called campus security many times about the situation throughout the next few months, even going in a few times, but was always brushed aside by a bitchy dispatcher/receptionist. He got a subpoena for May 15 to appear in court. He was called at 8am that day and was told that it was cancelled for the time being because an officer couldn't make it. Ok, first of all, you call the DAY OF? Second of all, what the hell did this officer have to do? Isn't this his JOB? Didn't he know about it a MONTH IN ADVANCE? Maybe I'm giving them too much credit for having some kind of intelligence.
Anyway.
So Ben was told that he would be contacted later on about the situation. He's called, and was...again...pushed aside. He has been told EVERYTIME that he's called that EVERY officer on duty is busy. That doesn't happen. It's fucking Warrensburg. Give me a break.
Well, 2 months and 11 days later, I'm completely fed up. It's time for me to take control, because I don't back down, I'm pushy, and I don't let people give me shit for answers. I spent 2 hours on the phone today with Campus Security, the county prosecuter, (both were lovely to talk to) and the city prosecuter (BITCH!). Well, I had to call 4 people to get the name of the defendent, because apparently, that's the ONLY way you can look up cases. Riiiiiight. So I got the first name, but no one remembered the last name. Luckily, it's a weird one, so Brent looked him up on facebook and got the full name. I was then able to call the city prosecuter and tell her. She then informs me that he "pled out" on Tuesday, so the case was dismissed.
Hm.
Thanks for sharing that information, bitch. Think maybe Ben would have liked to know that the guy who robbed him pled out? Think he might want to know this so he can quit waiting for that phone call that would never come? Think he might want to get his stuff back?
(again, I think I'm giving them too much credit for having some kind of intelligence)
So I called the University police and told them the situation. The dispatcher couldn't tell me when Ben's stuff could be released, but she assured me that she would have an officer call me. I said, "Yeah, ok. I'll call tomorrow."

Bitch, please.

See how I get answers? You've got to be sugary sweet, and when that doesn't work, you demand answers, because DAMNIT, IT'S YOUR SHIT AND YOU DESERVE TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

Man, I was so frustrated. I'm writing a formal complaint to the city prosecuter, and I've also written an editorial that I'm working on right now to send in to the Warrensburg paper and the school's paper about how the Warrensburg police don't always prosecute and do their jobs to the fullest extent when it's a black on white crime.

Remember when Chuck and Chip got jumped by 4 black guys and 1 whitey?
Remember when Jimmy got knifed and beat up by 2 black guys?
Remember when Ben got robbed by a black guy?
If this was white on black, you bet that it'd be called a hate crime and the victims wouldn't have been pushed aside. Makes me sick what they're doing, and they're going to hear about it.
I call people out. It's their job to serve and protect, and I see them doing neither.

I'm done ranting. I'm off to watch Jurassic Park 3.

Thoughts on friends and life.

It's weird.

Lately, I've been looking through various people's myspaces/facebooks and finding a bunch more people that I had completely forgotten about. Obviously, people that didn't matter much in my life, because I didn't miss them much. It's funny, you know, seeing them and the life they're leading now. For many, their lives are going nowhere because of shitty choices made earlier. It really pays to think about things when you do them.
Then, I see the people who are blissfully unaware of how white-trash/lame their lives actually are. They have no close people, they've pushed their friends away for an unworthy significant other, they drink their lives away, they do drugs constantly, but they're completely happy. It's weird, and I wonder how long it will take until their lives are completely swept away by the terrible things they're doing/have done.

Then, I look at myself. I am happy. I make good decisions. I don't hurt people to get what I want. I don't do drugs/drink at every opportunity...actually, I don't do drugs nor have I EVER. I don't waste my time with people who are petty and cruel and who want nothing more than someone around for their own benefit.
Friendship is a give and take relationship. I'm not going to stick around in a fake friendship with someone just because they want someone around when it's convenient. I've done that, and I learned from it.

Generally, I'm just seeing how fake people really are. I'm incredibly lucky to have my close group of friends...the friends who have seen me at my best and worst and still stick around....the friends that I have seen at their best and worst too. I can be myself around these people, and know that I'm accepted.
It's really too bad that not everyone can have something like that, but it took me a long time to get where I am now.

It took:
leaving a friend who thought she was hot shit because she went to Columbia for college (oh, and then got put on academic probation while I made the Dean's List)
leaving a friend who thought that it was ok to sleep with someone who was engaged because SHE loved him. (same friend as above)
leaving a friend who can't talk about anything but drinking, boys, and her "peeps"
leaving a friend who put faults on others that she had herself, but couldn't see

Of course there have been more, but those were three main "friends".

I'm also thankful I've been able to disassociate myself from people who were a part of certain parties from long ago. There were a couple that were quite nice, and whom I still talk to, but the majority of them were wanna be scene kids who just wanted to sleep with people in bands and smoke. It was a giant fashion show. A slutty fashion show, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why everyone was so intrigued by all of this. It made me sick, and I'm incredibly glad that I never got involved with any of it.

This blog was me rambling.

I guess I have a lot of stuff on my mind.

I'm going to go look up wedding stuff online.

Big decisions coming up

Ben and I are trying to decide on a base to live on. Right now, we're thinking about Whiteman for our first choice, but our second is a base in England.

I know, far away, right? Yes, I realize this, but I've always wanted to live overseas for a little bit. Learn about the culture, the art, pick up on the accent, get away from everything that I know and learn some more. That poses a problem. I'm a homebody. I love being with my family and friends. It would be incredibly hard for me to be away from my mom for a long time. Ben does have vacation time, and I would too during the summer. It would just be hard during the fall, winter, and spring. It wouldn't be forever though...just for a bit. Incredible to think about though, right?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Well, I've finished the Harry Potter book.

I was wrong in my thinking that Ron and Hagrid would die. Luckily, they didn't. I did cry for one of the characters...he was so innocent and devoted to helping Harry and his friends. It seemed like a waste that he would die.

I'm sad that I'll never have another Harry Potter book to look forward to again.

Pretty frustrating.

It's really fucking frustrating saying the same thing over and over again.

It's really fucking frustrating doing so much, and then I don't even get listened to.

I've been working for 2 hours on something really special to give you, and yet you can't call me when you get home from work. You're immediate thought is to play that stupid game. And when I call, do you listen to what I'm saying to you? NO. You're too busy playing. You say we don't have good conversations on the phone, and why do you think that is? Maybe it's because you're too busy clicking away on your mouse and keyboard to hear anything that I'm saying.
I don't feel connected to you lately.

I'm complaining now, and then tomorrow it'll start all over again.


In more exciting news, I'm going to Wal-mart in about an hour and 40 minutes to wait around for the new Harry Potter book. The closer it gets to midnight, the more excited I get.

ahhhhhhhh

Just some helpful tips for customers of Movie Gallery:

1. Don't walk in here looking all high and mighty. You're not better than me, you don't have any reason to stick your nose up in the air, and don't throw your credit card/money at me. Hand it to me. Don't be an asshole. You're no hot shot. You're from a small town in MISSOURI. Give me a break.

2. Don't walk in looking like you're from the ghetto. The closest thing to a ghetto is in Kansas City (an HOUR away). I don't think you'd be shopping here if you're from the inner city. Also, you're white. Stop talking in eubonics. It doesn't make you look cool, it just makes me laugh at you when you leave.

3. It is NOT my fault that your movies are late. You are told the day that they are due when you leave the store. If you are not able to remember this, have some sense and write it down. Do not blame it on me. Grow up...you're an adult and should be able to take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Just pay the damn fee and get the hell out.

4. If you want ANYONE to be nice to you, be NICE to them. No one, including me, wants to help a jackass. We deal with assholes all day and definitely don't get paid enough to do it. If you are nice, we'll go out of our way to help you because we appreciate it.

5. I don't care that you're going to go rent at Blockbuster, so threatening that because you're upset at me isn't going to help you at all. If it means that I'll never have to hear your annoying complaints or rude comments again, I'm actually happy to see you go.

6. We close at 10pm. You have from 10am to 10pm to return your movies. I'm not going to check them in at 10:02, 10:15, 10:26, or any other time after 10pm. Sorry. That's our policy. It's been our policy. I'm not going to take off your late fees just because you can't get your movies in within that 12 hour timeslot the day they're due. Again, I say, "Grow up and realize that it is your responsibility to get them in on time."

7. Everything is alphabetized. That means, it starts with numbers, and ends with z. I cannot hold every customer's hand while they try to find each movie. Everyone knows the alphabet, so quit being lazy and walk to the section and get the movie yourself. Another tip: NOTHING is alphabetized by the word "THE". Did you not learn this in school? The Hills Have Eyes is in the "H" section, not the "T" you freaking hillbilly.

8. If the movie you want is all checked out on a Friday or Saturday night, complaining to me or being rude isn't going to make it magically appear. In fact, if you're exceptionally rude, I'm not going to tell you if it does come in. I'll give it to someone who was nice.

9. If we're having a sale, read the entire sign. Often times, sales include specific items or price ranges. It's not my fault that you spent an hour finding movies, and none of them actually apply to the sale. Read the five foot sign hanging above the movies before you waste my time.

10. When someone greets you when you're coming in, or says goodbye when you're leaving, the polite thing to do would be to respond. So do it, because it's incredibly frustrating to be ignored by people who THINK they're better than you.

11. Do NOT come into the store at 9:57pm and expect me to keep the store open for you. I'll tell you when you come in that we are closing in 3 minutes. If you cannot find a movie in that time period, come in tomorrow. We close at 10pm, and that's when I am shutting down the store. Don't act offended. You should have got your lazy asses in the store long before 9:57pm.

12. When I call you, well, when ANYONE calls you, LISTEN. I always say, "Hi! This is Danielle from Movie Gallery in *************. Is [insert name here] available?" I say this clearly and enunciated and still I get, "Where are you from?" Ok, I just freaking told you. LISTEN!!!

13. If you come in and cuss at me, I'm going to kick you out, close your account, and ban you from the store. I don't care if you're frustrated because you have late fees. There is no reason to take it out on me. I don't magically put late fees on people's accounts (although I have been accused of doing so). You have some serious anger problems and I don't get paid to put up with your shit.

14. I have good taste in movies. I'm NOT going to watch Larry the Cable Guy, Norbit, any of the Tyler Perry movies, or Big Mama's House. I"m going to watch movies with some interesting plot.

15. When a movie has a big yellow sticker on the front of it that says "FOREIGN FILM COLLECTION", what do you suppose that means? Don't act disgusted when I tell you that it's subtitled. PLEASE don't ask me if it's in "American". First of all, we speak ENGLISH. Second of all, if it was in English, why would it have that giant yellow sticker on it.


I'm sure I could add more, but I have to get going and get ready for this job. It's an easy job, but it's taught me that I do not enjoy working with the general public like this. I feel my IQ dropping after each encounter with these people.

It's been awhile

I've been so busy lately, it's hard to get a chance to write on here...and it seems like everything that I want to write about, or vent about keeps building up and it's almost overwhelming.

Cornerstone: It was fun. Got lost on the way there because I had wrong directions, and the signs pointing to the site was for the backgate...which we could not enter. This situation provided Ben with a lot of chances to make fun of me and my inability to get places. Whatev. We got there the morning of my birthday (at around 2am). The only person who called was Ashley. I was very thankful for that. I got some texts after I woke up in the morning from people I didn't even expect! I don't think anyone at Cornerstone actually remembered. Ben said Happy Birthday, but that was about it. Chip got me a Copeland shirt the very last day though, so that was awesome. I was hoping that we could do something, like go out, for my birthday when we got back, and I was assured we would...but that hasn't happened yet. I suppose it's too late now. I'll just hope that next year I'll actually get to do something special. This is year two of not really doing anything.
Anyway, on the negative side of being at Cornerstone and seeing all kinds of sweet bands and people, I developed an allergic reaction to the pesticide that was sprayed on every inch of the site and had itchy skin the entire week. At first, it was only on my feet, but it got on my ankles, arms, and hands. I'm just thankful that it didn't spread to my face. Did I let all that stop me from crowding my way up to the front row of Copeland? No way! I was in the front row right in front of Aaron Marsh, and it was fantastic. They played every song that I wanted to hear! It was wonderful.
We camped with Landon and his band. They're all pretty nice guys. I also saw Dustin and Caleb's band. Wow. Umm...they look absolutely ridiculous. Dustin looks like a fat lesbian goth chick, and Caleb is this angular, skinny, tall boy. Their music wasn't bad, but it wasn't good live. Sounds better online.

4th of July: Went over to Ben's house for a bbq with his family. The kids were outside playing with fireworks when we discovered that one of them had flung one towards the house. It went into this small hole, caught animal hair and fuzz from the siding on fire and burned up through the wall of their house. The fire dept. was called in time and nothing huge was damaged. Hopefully, their homeowner's insurance will pay for it. Ben and I hung out, ate, and then drove up to P-Hill to meet up with Beth, Josh (blech.), Chip, and Chelsea at Beth's dad's house. We all went swimming, drank some wine, smoked some cigs, and just had a good time. I'm not really sure how it happened, but me, Ben, Chip, and Chelsea ended up skinny dipping while Beth and Josh had a fight inside. We got out, dried off, and found out that Josh had left. He texted Beth later and said that he had been arrested for drunk driving. No one believed him. Later on, Chelsea and Chip went to get Taco Bell and Chip came back alone. Apparently, Chelsea was a bit more intoxicated than we had thought and she was being taken to the P-Hill jail. What an end to the night...

Tonight: I'm going to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! I'm pretty excited. Chip's getting out tickets and a bunch of us are meeting up in Lee's Summit to go see it. Ben hasn't seen all the movies, so he's missing out tonight. I've been looking forward to this since I found out the release date for the movie in January!
This Saturday, we're all going to Worlds of Fun...it should be a good time. I went last year on Father's Day and had a great time.

I guess I don't really have anything else to say...and if I do, I'm just tired of writing right now. I'm going to go work on a creative project.