Exactly one week.

Only one more week and I'll be in Ben's arms. It feels great to know that we survived almost three months without seeing one another because when we do see one another, it'll be that much sweeter.

I'm going to see I AM LEGEND tonight, I think at an IMAX theater. I've never been to the IMAX, so I'm kind of excited.
Saw The Golden Compass last night and it was very good. It didn't end how the book ended though, it stopped about one or two chapters short. I'm sure that's how they'll open up the next movie. I hope it doesn't end with this one. I know people have been protesting it, but it's still publicity. I just think that the Catholic Church (the biggest boycotters) has enough to worry about with the continuing sex scandals against children to worry about a movie. It doesn't even come right out and say "church", "God", or anything like that. Maybe if parents would start building their children's minds up instead of allowing them to be weak and susceptible to everything, and then making excuses and blaming outside sources, there wouldn't be a need for boycotting. It's absurd to think that parents don't want their kids to see this movie because they're afraid that it'll turn them against God. Kids are most likely not going to make that connection. They're going to see people who have animals as a part of them, fighting to save kids, and giant armored bears. They're not going to make the deep intellectual connections. It's just like Harry Potter. People thought their kids would think that witches and wizards were real just because of a fantasy story. Goodness gracious! If my mom brought me up to be weak and believe everything I saw on tv or a video game, I'd think mermaids were real and that you could go to Oz by getting swept up in a tornado. I'd belive that elephants could fly and animals could talk. I'd really think that magic carpets existed and that there was a place called Neverland that really did exist. But I didn't. My mom taught me to tell the difference between real life and pretend. I think that's the problem with today's youth. Kids are having kids...that's one problem, so they don't have the experience from life to teach them the right things. Ok. But another fault is the parents who blame everything on music/tv/video games/internet/etc... Ok, why didn't they do their jobs as parents and monitor that behavior? Don't let your kids listen/watch violent things if you think it's harmful. Don't wait until they have shot up a school or done some other violent act and then pretend like everything was fine until they saw/heard something through some media. No. That's not right. Take some responsibility as a parent and teach your kids right from wrong early and these things won't be a problem. My childhood was INCREDIBLY hard and I've been through things that I wouldn't wish on anyone else, but I'm still a happy, well adjusted person because I learned to pull through things instead of blaming what I do on other things or people. My mom made me take responsibility for myself. At the time, it was hard, but I'm thankful for it in the long run. I know what's right and wrong. I know the difference between real and fake, and I can take full responsibility for my actions.

Alright, I am done ranting about that. I just get tired of the weak society that we live in sometime. I wish people would just own up and learn from mistakes! I wish parents would take an active role in their kids' lives instead of plopping them in front of some media device and then blaming the device when the kid grows up maladjusted.

I'm gonna go get ready for the movie tonight!

smooches.

Old friend

Today I was surfing around facebook and found a guy with the same name as a friend from bible camp/church a long time ago. This was back when I lived in the city and was involved in AWANA as a child. I emailed him asking him if he had ever gone to that certain church or bible camp and he replied back and said that he had, but didn't quite remember me.
He may not remember me, and that's fine. If I hadn't recognized his name, I wouldn't have ever thought that he was the same person. I remember him only because he was the only person that befriended me at church. The other girls were mean to me, and one of them liked him. I remember one day when one of the girls had taken my necklace and was taunting me with it, and he stepped in and told her off and got my necklace back. We hung out for the rest of church camp. It was a long time ago, and I haven't thought about that in years, but it's just amazing that one person did one little thing, and I remembered it all these years. It just goes to show that the little things do mean something.
Maybe I found his facebook because I was supposed to. Maybe something that I am going to do or should do or have done has impacted someone like that. I really hope so. I'd like to know that I made a difference in someone's life like that. I'm not good when I'm by myself in a group situation. I'm out of my comfort zone and I have a hard time relating to people sometimes. So when he stepped in and stopped them from torturing me (stupid vicious girls), I felt like I had been saved!
I'm debating whether or not to tell him. I'm not going to be all mushy or anything, because I don't know the guy, and I don't want him to think I'm some weirdo. But maybe I'm supposed to. Maybe he's supposed to hear it.
I don't know. I'm probably thinking too much about this.

Ben had a huge simulator test today. If he didn't pass it, he would have to be put back 3 weeks in tech school and wouldn't graduate with the rest of his class. He was SO nervous last night, and I kept telling him not to worry, because he is so smart and he knows what he is doing. I honestly have never seen him apply himself so much to something. Before he left for basic, I was afraid he'd find this too hard and wouldn't want to do it anymore. He did that with school (not that he found it hard, but just wasn't interested), and just didn't have much focus with anything. So seeing him succeed in this is truly wonderful, and I couldn't be more proud. I called him tonight and he did pass it! I am so happy and just thrilled that all of his hard work and dedication is paying off. Truly happy. He comes home in just 8 days, and my heart beats harder with every passing second.

I'm off to go surf around the web and see what I can find!

smooches.

It's been awhile

I have been SO busy lately. Honestly, this has been one tough semester. I've had so much work to do for class, plus my job, plus just missing Ben...and I haven't had the energy to even really think about anything. I've been going through the motions for a lot of things, but now I've moved back home for the last sememster I'm in college to student teach and I think I'm going to be a lot happier.
I found out where I'm student teaching. It's a little over 20 minutes away from where I'm living, so it won't be a bad drive! I'm really excited to meet my teacher and class. It's third grade, which is around the age group I want to teach. I'm nervous, but really excited.

Ben is coming home in NINE days. I'm driving to Arkansas to pick him up. His brother, and our 2 friends are going to ride along with me. I'm excited beyond words. I can't even describe the excitement! He bought my engagement ring, so I'll have that when he gets home. That's my Christmas present this year. I got him a belt buckle he wanted an a digital camera. He'll like them, I think. I'll probably get his wedding ring sometime soon. We're still looking at them and he's got to decide what he likes.

Other than that, I'm pretty good. Just lots going on!

Dr. Visit

Throat was so bad this morn, I decided to go to the University Health Center. My teacher said that strep could attack the heart if it wasn't treated, and I definitely can't risk that. Luckily, my classroom that I teach on Tuesdays went on a field trip, so I had time to go this morn. Went in and they said that they only take appts. Great.
Well, they happened to have an opening. Wonderful! Just my luck!
Saw the dr. Nurse swabbed my throat (painful!) and I had to get my blood drawn. They ended up poking me twice because my veins are so small that the needle was too big and couldn't get blood out of it. Nurse had to find a tiny needle. Not the most pleasant experience.
About 20 minutes later, I got the results that I didn't have mono or strep, just a nasty cold virus. I was very relieved, but I still don't have any medication besides Zicam, throat spray, and ibprofen (over the counter stuff) to soothe my throat, and none of it stops it from hurting. Blech.

I'll be over it soon though, God willing. Just painful.

I am counting down the days until the weekend. I want to go back home. I'm tired of living in this college town. I'm just so ready to move on from this point in my life. It's dumb that everyone just wants to drink/party all the time. There are other things to do! I can't do that crap anymore (not that I really did in the first place). I have responsibilities and my grades actually matter. I'm graduating in May and getting married in June. I just don't think people around here can comprehend that.
Someday.

I'm really looking forward to The Golden Compass coming out on December 7th. Mom and I want to see it. I read the series recently and they are fantastic books! Anti-Christian, but still a good story. I, unlike many out there, can distinguish between fiction and reality and can handle a book, even if it doesn't go with my personal beliefs. I would have to cut out thousands of books if I did that.

Alright, I need to get to bed. I'm super tired.

Almost medicine time!

I wish

...I was at home with my mommy right now.

...that Ben was here at home or I was in Mississippi.

...I didn't have to worry about my portfolio or my certification test.

...that the people in the lobby would shut the hell up.

...I wasn't sick.



Just call me Debbie Downer.

I don't know what to say.

I went home early on Thursday, sick, and slept the night away fighting a fever and the chills. Friday I woke up, still feeling awful. I needed to go to class though, so I was determined. Apparently it just wasn't to be. I got a call at 7:32am from my cousin telling me that hospice had called and I needed to get home as soon as possible to see Grandad. I booked it to class to tell my professor and ran to my car to get it close to the dorm to load up my car. I ran inside and started throwing stuff in my laundry basket and I got a phone call.
He was gone.

My grandaddy. Gone.

I didn't know what to do. I just sat there in stony silence not really knowing what to say. I gathered up my stuff and took it to my car. I drove the hour home, dealing with early morning traffic with patience. As soon as I got to the nursing home I let it all out. I cried and cried to my mom and my brother. I went to see him, but I could hardly look at him. He didn't look like my grandaddy. Not the man who had made me a huge toybox. Not the man who had sat and watched Walker Texas Ranger or Kung Fu Masters with me. Not the man who had given me the important job of throwing grass seeds on the lawn. No, that wasn't my grandad.

I was still sick, and later on that night my fever came again and I had chills. My brother got me a washcloth for my head and I put on a sweatshirt and some sweats. Got a couple of blankets and tried to get warm.

Woke up Saturday feeling much better. Went to Wal-mart with Mom and started to feel weak there. Damn.
Got home, put on some pjs, and watched Ratatouille with Mom. Relaxed and took some more medicine. Mom got me some Zicam (works wonders) for my sore throat. Definitely works. Still felt weak that night.

Woke up this morning at around 6am and couldn't swallow without shaking it hurt so bad. Finally decided to just leave my mouth open and drool on the pillow so I could get some more sleep. When I woke up at 10am, Mom gave me some more medicine and set me up on her bed. I spent the day in there with her. It was nice being able to do NOTHING all day long. I feel good, despite my swollen throat.

I'm pretty nervous about tomorrow. I never do well at funerals.

It's just not fair. I have no more grandparents. No more. My mom doesn't have parents anymore. My grandma and grandad will not see me get married nor will they see my children. I wish they could have lived longer. There are so many people in this world who don't deserve to be breathing oxygen with the good people of this world. It's not my place to take away though, and I'm glad that I don't have that decision to make.

I'm not angry, just sad.

What a week.

This really hasn't been a great week. (Uh oh, here comes Debbie Downer!)

Alrighty, so Halloween was sorta fun, but not nearly as fun as last year when Ben and all of our friends were out and about. I spent 2 hours downtown in our bar basically just floating around having "nothing conversations" with people that I never hang out with. Totally lame. I met up with my friend Chris at another establishment and hung out there for awhile. He took me home later on and I just went right to sleep. I was tired and had to be in class at 8am.
Next morning, I brought in apple cider for my class and my partner brought in food. I already told her I was just bringing in cider (hello, money's short right now) and she said, "That's ALL you brought in?" Oh, I'm sorry I didn't wake up at 6am to make a breakfast casserole and doughnuts. Are you crazy? Went to work after that and just felt like crap on the way there. I cried, and the girls at work were worried because they had never seen me upset like that. It was a combo of my portfolio shit, assignments, me not feeling well, and the fact that my grandad had been put in a nursing home that day. Anyway, I started feeling REALLY sick later on and my friend Kat offered to clean the bathrooms for me so I could leave early. I think I'm going to get her a card or something to show my gratitude. I really appreciated it. I got back to my dorm and immediately put on a hoodie and sweatpants (I was FREEZING) and then realized that I had NOTHING to drink in my room. Great. I can't get back out, I could barely get out of bed! I called Chuck, and he brought me a sprite. (very nice) I fell asleep at 6pm, slept until 8pm and watched The Office. Got some phone calls, everyone wishing me well, and Paul even offered to bring me soup. (I know who my real friends are). Went to sleep later on after talking to Ben, he was just as sweet as he could be.
Today I woke up and got ready for class, still feeling weak as hell. Finished getting ready and got a phone call from my cousin at 7:30am. She said that I needed to come home because Grandad was getting bad. I rushed over to class to let my professor know I had to go home immediately, called work and let them know I couldn't be there and both were totally cool about it. On my way out of town, Mom called and told me he was gone.
I didn't get to say goodbye.
I was too late.
There wasn't anything I could have done, but I just wanted to be there.

I got off work tomorrow, luckily, so I will be traveling to Grandma and Grandad's hometown to make the funeral arrangements.

Grandma and Grandad are together again after 8 long years.
Honestly, it feels like it's been so much longer than that since I've seen her. Almost a decade has gone by. I was so close with her. Closer than any of the other grandkids.

Anyway, I've got one more errand to do today. I've got to go meet with the pastor of the church that Ben and I want to use for our wedding. Hopefully I won't get sick on the way there.

Alright, the bad stuff is here, I've just got to look for my silver lining now. It's time for the sun to come out and shine and warm me up.