No seriously, life is GOOD

We're having so much fun!

Life is GOOD

My honey is back, and I'm VERY happy!

Tomorrow seems so far away

...yet I can almost reach out and touch it!


Today Mom and I:

Made peanut butter balls.
(it was at this time that we decided that we should make kiss cookies)
so we went to Wal-mart.
We then got the makings for kiss cookies, peppermint bark, AND dipped pretzels.
And that is how we spent our day. Cooking and enjoying one another's company. It was definitely fun.

After that, I cleaned out my car (it NEEDED it). It looks so nice now and it smells good too! Had dinner and then went to Walmart to get the last bit of Christmas presents for my mom from my dad. He wanted to get her these pjs she wanted, but felt awkward shopping in that section. Anyway, I got out of there as quickly as possible because people are getting CRAZY now that it's almost Christmas. I don't need to be around the crazies.

Washed my car at the carwash after that. Machine wouldn't take my $5, so the guy working just took it and then upgraded my wash. (SWEET)

Picked up my check from work. Glad I'm not working today at all. It's been a nice relaxing day.


Tomorrow will be a day of waiting. I'll wait around for Ben to call and tell me when to leave to make it to where I'm picking him up on time. Gotta drive about 20 minutes into Arkansas to pick Landon up. Hopefully I'll get some gas money for going out of my way.

And then I get to see Ben, and all will be right with the world.
I guess I'm going to have to get used to this...not seeing him for 3 months at a time. I am going to be a military wife, and sometimes these things happen. I don't like it, but I'll have to deal.

This was the last time I saw him. Standing outside the BX in Texas.

Tomorrow, he comes home.

boy oh boy

2 more days! I barely got to talk to Ben at all today. He had a long day with ceremonies and stuff and I had to work tonight. Then I couldn't really talk to him tonight because I got off work and he was too tired to stay up. It sucks that we don't really get to talk much. Even though we both are available to talk, we are still busy at night. Blah.

Had to work with dipshit manager again tonight. He tried to blame his computer malfunction on the fact that I clocked in. Hmmm...it just doesn't work like that. Then he messed it all up again and couldn't blame it on me.
booya, biatch.

Mom and I are making peanut butter balls and we're decorating for Christmas tomorrow.
YAY!

smooches.

oh my darlin

I just love days that I don't have to work and can go out and see friends.

Went to lunch with a friend today, he paid. It was nice getting out and visiting with him. I haven't really had many opportunities lately to see friends or to just have time to have fun. I know I will in the coming weeks with Ben though! I'm going up to the city in about an hour to see a friend and get his GPS system. Probably get some new music from him on my ipod and visit with them before I come back.

I've been watching the first season of Heroes. It's actually really good. I meant to back when it came out so I could start watching it when it was on TV, but I didn't get a chance to, going back to school every week.

Dad got mom one of those VCR combos that can record VHS onto DVDs. She's been wanting one for YEARS. I know she's going to be one happy camper.

I'm off to go get ready.

smooches.

4 more days.

Ok, so I have some good news. I got a message from my friend Keysa (who runs another video store like the one I work at) and she told me that she's going to be the new manager of the store I work at!!!
No more of my stupid jackass manager, no more of getting picked on, no more being nervous when I go into work. I'm so pumped! I've disliked this guy from the moment I met him and he has done nothing but making working there miserable for me. I couldn't do anything about it either, because he's boinking the district manager.

4 more days til I see my honey. This is going to be a long 4 days!

Long day

What a long day!
It wouldn't have been so bad if my manager wouldn't have been there today. He came in early too! He nit-picks at EVERYTHING. I mean, I've been working there for four years and he thinks he needs to explain how to do every single little thing. Blah. Also, he kept me there for 2 hours after I was supposed to leave. Yeah. And the entire time, he complained about the snow and how he had to drive home (75 miles) in it. Ok, so stop complaining and get a job near your own damn house. It's that easy.

I'm staying in tonight. I was going to go out with Chip and Chelsea, but I'm exhausted and the roads are slick. It was bad enough driving home from I AM LEGEND last night in the snow on the 2 lane twisty highway at 1:30am. Jack was up though, and waited up to make sure I made it home OK. Talked to Ben on the way home too to keep myself alert. I had just woken up when it was time to leave. I would have stayed the night at Jake's house, but I had to work this morning.

Still waiting to hear back from Landon's friend Cody on whether or not me, Eli, and Chelsea will be able to stay the night in Arkansas the night before Ben gets there. It'll just make things easier doing that, rather than driving 12 hours total in a day. eh. no fun. But I'll do it!

I think I'm going to work on making some wedding stuff tonight. I'm making the boxes that the cards will go in. Afterwards, we can just use them to store stuff in. I've got quite a few boxes to make, and I'm feeling crafty.

I'm off.
smooches.

Exactly one week.

Only one more week and I'll be in Ben's arms. It feels great to know that we survived almost three months without seeing one another because when we do see one another, it'll be that much sweeter.

I'm going to see I AM LEGEND tonight, I think at an IMAX theater. I've never been to the IMAX, so I'm kind of excited.
Saw The Golden Compass last night and it was very good. It didn't end how the book ended though, it stopped about one or two chapters short. I'm sure that's how they'll open up the next movie. I hope it doesn't end with this one. I know people have been protesting it, but it's still publicity. I just think that the Catholic Church (the biggest boycotters) has enough to worry about with the continuing sex scandals against children to worry about a movie. It doesn't even come right out and say "church", "God", or anything like that. Maybe if parents would start building their children's minds up instead of allowing them to be weak and susceptible to everything, and then making excuses and blaming outside sources, there wouldn't be a need for boycotting. It's absurd to think that parents don't want their kids to see this movie because they're afraid that it'll turn them against God. Kids are most likely not going to make that connection. They're going to see people who have animals as a part of them, fighting to save kids, and giant armored bears. They're not going to make the deep intellectual connections. It's just like Harry Potter. People thought their kids would think that witches and wizards were real just because of a fantasy story. Goodness gracious! If my mom brought me up to be weak and believe everything I saw on tv or a video game, I'd think mermaids were real and that you could go to Oz by getting swept up in a tornado. I'd belive that elephants could fly and animals could talk. I'd really think that magic carpets existed and that there was a place called Neverland that really did exist. But I didn't. My mom taught me to tell the difference between real life and pretend. I think that's the problem with today's youth. Kids are having kids...that's one problem, so they don't have the experience from life to teach them the right things. Ok. But another fault is the parents who blame everything on music/tv/video games/internet/etc... Ok, why didn't they do their jobs as parents and monitor that behavior? Don't let your kids listen/watch violent things if you think it's harmful. Don't wait until they have shot up a school or done some other violent act and then pretend like everything was fine until they saw/heard something through some media. No. That's not right. Take some responsibility as a parent and teach your kids right from wrong early and these things won't be a problem. My childhood was INCREDIBLY hard and I've been through things that I wouldn't wish on anyone else, but I'm still a happy, well adjusted person because I learned to pull through things instead of blaming what I do on other things or people. My mom made me take responsibility for myself. At the time, it was hard, but I'm thankful for it in the long run. I know what's right and wrong. I know the difference between real and fake, and I can take full responsibility for my actions.

Alright, I am done ranting about that. I just get tired of the weak society that we live in sometime. I wish people would just own up and learn from mistakes! I wish parents would take an active role in their kids' lives instead of plopping them in front of some media device and then blaming the device when the kid grows up maladjusted.

I'm gonna go get ready for the movie tonight!

smooches.

Old friend

Today I was surfing around facebook and found a guy with the same name as a friend from bible camp/church a long time ago. This was back when I lived in the city and was involved in AWANA as a child. I emailed him asking him if he had ever gone to that certain church or bible camp and he replied back and said that he had, but didn't quite remember me.
He may not remember me, and that's fine. If I hadn't recognized his name, I wouldn't have ever thought that he was the same person. I remember him only because he was the only person that befriended me at church. The other girls were mean to me, and one of them liked him. I remember one day when one of the girls had taken my necklace and was taunting me with it, and he stepped in and told her off and got my necklace back. We hung out for the rest of church camp. It was a long time ago, and I haven't thought about that in years, but it's just amazing that one person did one little thing, and I remembered it all these years. It just goes to show that the little things do mean something.
Maybe I found his facebook because I was supposed to. Maybe something that I am going to do or should do or have done has impacted someone like that. I really hope so. I'd like to know that I made a difference in someone's life like that. I'm not good when I'm by myself in a group situation. I'm out of my comfort zone and I have a hard time relating to people sometimes. So when he stepped in and stopped them from torturing me (stupid vicious girls), I felt like I had been saved!
I'm debating whether or not to tell him. I'm not going to be all mushy or anything, because I don't know the guy, and I don't want him to think I'm some weirdo. But maybe I'm supposed to. Maybe he's supposed to hear it.
I don't know. I'm probably thinking too much about this.

Ben had a huge simulator test today. If he didn't pass it, he would have to be put back 3 weeks in tech school and wouldn't graduate with the rest of his class. He was SO nervous last night, and I kept telling him not to worry, because he is so smart and he knows what he is doing. I honestly have never seen him apply himself so much to something. Before he left for basic, I was afraid he'd find this too hard and wouldn't want to do it anymore. He did that with school (not that he found it hard, but just wasn't interested), and just didn't have much focus with anything. So seeing him succeed in this is truly wonderful, and I couldn't be more proud. I called him tonight and he did pass it! I am so happy and just thrilled that all of his hard work and dedication is paying off. Truly happy. He comes home in just 8 days, and my heart beats harder with every passing second.

I'm off to go surf around the web and see what I can find!

smooches.

It's been awhile

I have been SO busy lately. Honestly, this has been one tough semester. I've had so much work to do for class, plus my job, plus just missing Ben...and I haven't had the energy to even really think about anything. I've been going through the motions for a lot of things, but now I've moved back home for the last sememster I'm in college to student teach and I think I'm going to be a lot happier.
I found out where I'm student teaching. It's a little over 20 minutes away from where I'm living, so it won't be a bad drive! I'm really excited to meet my teacher and class. It's third grade, which is around the age group I want to teach. I'm nervous, but really excited.

Ben is coming home in NINE days. I'm driving to Arkansas to pick him up. His brother, and our 2 friends are going to ride along with me. I'm excited beyond words. I can't even describe the excitement! He bought my engagement ring, so I'll have that when he gets home. That's my Christmas present this year. I got him a belt buckle he wanted an a digital camera. He'll like them, I think. I'll probably get his wedding ring sometime soon. We're still looking at them and he's got to decide what he likes.

Other than that, I'm pretty good. Just lots going on!

Dr. Visit

Throat was so bad this morn, I decided to go to the University Health Center. My teacher said that strep could attack the heart if it wasn't treated, and I definitely can't risk that. Luckily, my classroom that I teach on Tuesdays went on a field trip, so I had time to go this morn. Went in and they said that they only take appts. Great.
Well, they happened to have an opening. Wonderful! Just my luck!
Saw the dr. Nurse swabbed my throat (painful!) and I had to get my blood drawn. They ended up poking me twice because my veins are so small that the needle was too big and couldn't get blood out of it. Nurse had to find a tiny needle. Not the most pleasant experience.
About 20 minutes later, I got the results that I didn't have mono or strep, just a nasty cold virus. I was very relieved, but I still don't have any medication besides Zicam, throat spray, and ibprofen (over the counter stuff) to soothe my throat, and none of it stops it from hurting. Blech.

I'll be over it soon though, God willing. Just painful.

I am counting down the days until the weekend. I want to go back home. I'm tired of living in this college town. I'm just so ready to move on from this point in my life. It's dumb that everyone just wants to drink/party all the time. There are other things to do! I can't do that crap anymore (not that I really did in the first place). I have responsibilities and my grades actually matter. I'm graduating in May and getting married in June. I just don't think people around here can comprehend that.
Someday.

I'm really looking forward to The Golden Compass coming out on December 7th. Mom and I want to see it. I read the series recently and they are fantastic books! Anti-Christian, but still a good story. I, unlike many out there, can distinguish between fiction and reality and can handle a book, even if it doesn't go with my personal beliefs. I would have to cut out thousands of books if I did that.

Alright, I need to get to bed. I'm super tired.

Almost medicine time!

I wish

...I was at home with my mommy right now.

...that Ben was here at home or I was in Mississippi.

...I didn't have to worry about my portfolio or my certification test.

...that the people in the lobby would shut the hell up.

...I wasn't sick.



Just call me Debbie Downer.

I don't know what to say.

I went home early on Thursday, sick, and slept the night away fighting a fever and the chills. Friday I woke up, still feeling awful. I needed to go to class though, so I was determined. Apparently it just wasn't to be. I got a call at 7:32am from my cousin telling me that hospice had called and I needed to get home as soon as possible to see Grandad. I booked it to class to tell my professor and ran to my car to get it close to the dorm to load up my car. I ran inside and started throwing stuff in my laundry basket and I got a phone call.
He was gone.

My grandaddy. Gone.

I didn't know what to do. I just sat there in stony silence not really knowing what to say. I gathered up my stuff and took it to my car. I drove the hour home, dealing with early morning traffic with patience. As soon as I got to the nursing home I let it all out. I cried and cried to my mom and my brother. I went to see him, but I could hardly look at him. He didn't look like my grandaddy. Not the man who had made me a huge toybox. Not the man who had sat and watched Walker Texas Ranger or Kung Fu Masters with me. Not the man who had given me the important job of throwing grass seeds on the lawn. No, that wasn't my grandad.

I was still sick, and later on that night my fever came again and I had chills. My brother got me a washcloth for my head and I put on a sweatshirt and some sweats. Got a couple of blankets and tried to get warm.

Woke up Saturday feeling much better. Went to Wal-mart with Mom and started to feel weak there. Damn.
Got home, put on some pjs, and watched Ratatouille with Mom. Relaxed and took some more medicine. Mom got me some Zicam (works wonders) for my sore throat. Definitely works. Still felt weak that night.

Woke up this morning at around 6am and couldn't swallow without shaking it hurt so bad. Finally decided to just leave my mouth open and drool on the pillow so I could get some more sleep. When I woke up at 10am, Mom gave me some more medicine and set me up on her bed. I spent the day in there with her. It was nice being able to do NOTHING all day long. I feel good, despite my swollen throat.

I'm pretty nervous about tomorrow. I never do well at funerals.

It's just not fair. I have no more grandparents. No more. My mom doesn't have parents anymore. My grandma and grandad will not see me get married nor will they see my children. I wish they could have lived longer. There are so many people in this world who don't deserve to be breathing oxygen with the good people of this world. It's not my place to take away though, and I'm glad that I don't have that decision to make.

I'm not angry, just sad.

What a week.

This really hasn't been a great week. (Uh oh, here comes Debbie Downer!)

Alrighty, so Halloween was sorta fun, but not nearly as fun as last year when Ben and all of our friends were out and about. I spent 2 hours downtown in our bar basically just floating around having "nothing conversations" with people that I never hang out with. Totally lame. I met up with my friend Chris at another establishment and hung out there for awhile. He took me home later on and I just went right to sleep. I was tired and had to be in class at 8am.
Next morning, I brought in apple cider for my class and my partner brought in food. I already told her I was just bringing in cider (hello, money's short right now) and she said, "That's ALL you brought in?" Oh, I'm sorry I didn't wake up at 6am to make a breakfast casserole and doughnuts. Are you crazy? Went to work after that and just felt like crap on the way there. I cried, and the girls at work were worried because they had never seen me upset like that. It was a combo of my portfolio shit, assignments, me not feeling well, and the fact that my grandad had been put in a nursing home that day. Anyway, I started feeling REALLY sick later on and my friend Kat offered to clean the bathrooms for me so I could leave early. I think I'm going to get her a card or something to show my gratitude. I really appreciated it. I got back to my dorm and immediately put on a hoodie and sweatpants (I was FREEZING) and then realized that I had NOTHING to drink in my room. Great. I can't get back out, I could barely get out of bed! I called Chuck, and he brought me a sprite. (very nice) I fell asleep at 6pm, slept until 8pm and watched The Office. Got some phone calls, everyone wishing me well, and Paul even offered to bring me soup. (I know who my real friends are). Went to sleep later on after talking to Ben, he was just as sweet as he could be.
Today I woke up and got ready for class, still feeling weak as hell. Finished getting ready and got a phone call from my cousin at 7:30am. She said that I needed to come home because Grandad was getting bad. I rushed over to class to let my professor know I had to go home immediately, called work and let them know I couldn't be there and both were totally cool about it. On my way out of town, Mom called and told me he was gone.
I didn't get to say goodbye.
I was too late.
There wasn't anything I could have done, but I just wanted to be there.

I got off work tomorrow, luckily, so I will be traveling to Grandma and Grandad's hometown to make the funeral arrangements.

Grandma and Grandad are together again after 8 long years.
Honestly, it feels like it's been so much longer than that since I've seen her. Almost a decade has gone by. I was so close with her. Closer than any of the other grandkids.

Anyway, I've got one more errand to do today. I've got to go meet with the pastor of the church that Ben and I want to use for our wedding. Hopefully I won't get sick on the way there.

Alright, the bad stuff is here, I've just got to look for my silver lining now. It's time for the sun to come out and shine and warm me up.

Tomorrow is going to be fun!

Tomorrow I'm skipping class to help out at the daycare's Halloween party. I hate my history class (it's just really long and not very interesting AND my friend takes AWESOME notes). I can't wait to see all my kids dressed up in their costumes! I'm going as Thing 1 (my friend Jessica is Thing 2) from Dr. Seuss's The Cat In The Hat. I already had a red sweatshirt and I just put a piece of white material with the words, "THING 1" on it and fabric glued it on the sweatshirt. It's going to be pretty cool. We're going to hairspray our hair all crazy too. I'm pretty pumped.

I bought a peacoat yesterday! I'm soooo excited. I have needed a coat for the past couple years but I've just been reusing the one I've had since junior year. I'm excited for it to arrive.

A bit of bad news. My grandad's cancer has gotten worse. The doctors seem to think he's only got about a month left. Of course, that's the diagnosis that we got for Jack's dad and he lived for another 8 months. I'm thinking that he won't make it that long though, mom says he's incredibly weak and they've already got hospice in. It worries me, but I just want him to be out of pain. I know he's in pain a lot of the time...I'm going to go visit him this weekend when I get home.

Anyway, say a prayer for him.

I really do love my life

despite all the shit I have to deal with....liiiiike:

*the people who think it's a really good idea to booty dance/scream/laugh loudly/run up and down my hallway at one or two in the morning.
*all the damn assignments I have.
*the lack of cool people to hang out with.
*the fact that my fiance is in another state.

I really do enjoy my days in class (most days) and at work (minus a few of the kids). I get to come home to my comfy room, get on my laptop and relax all night. It's quite nice. I get to call my honey and visit with him about what's going on in our lives while we're apart, and it's just so much easier than when he was in boot camp. I get to tell him stuff right away instead of writing it to him in letters.
Last night, I was telling him that I was going to order the flower petals. Here's our convo:
Him: Won't they die before June?
Me: SILK petals, honey. Much easier, much cheaper.
Him: Ohhhhh. Are you going to get all silk flowers?
Me: probably. Real flower bouquets are very expensive.
Him: What about your bouquet? You're getting silk for that too?
Me: Yeah.
Him: You should get a real one. It's your special day. Don't worry about the cost.
Me: Really?
Him: Yeah. You should be able to do that.

Isn't that just the sweetest? I mean, he just keeps saying stuff that makes me giddy. I know he knows that I want it to be the most special day but will cut costs even if it means I don't get something. He WANTS me to have everything I want. It's pretty cute.

He loves me.

The weekend

What a fantastic weekend!

Honestly, the only thing that would have made it better is if Ben would have been here to spend it with me.

Friday night, I went to a show with Chip and Chelsea, all dressed up and it was awesome. My friend Sonny's band played and we enjoyed happy hour. Went to a party later on, but it was full of totally lame people, so we left early. We ate lunch together the next day and just hung out.

Saturday I spent the day laying around and doing homework. That night, my friend Jake came out again and we went out to eat and saw Saw IV with Andrew, Travis, Ashley, and Matt. It was a lot of fun.

Today I spent the day watching movies and visiting with Ben on the phone. It's been nice.

Frustrating

I really don't like my brother all that much. I'm pretty sure he has some form of bipolar disorder. He'll be super nice, and then he'll just snap and be a total jerk. I was trying to call my mom tonight and he hung up on me 4 different times because he was using the house phone and didn't want to let me talk to her. She wasn't answering her cell, and he didn't give a shit. It's like this all the time. Does he ever get in trouble for that shit? Nope. Not at all. She "can't punish him" because "nothing ever works". What does she mean, "nothing ever works"? Ground him, make him stay home and not hang out with his friends, don't give him money everytime he asks. I didn't get that kind of treatment, even though I was a good kid. I never messed up in school or got into any kind of trouble...and I didn't get even half the stuff or privileges he does. It's just ridiculous. He's being taught that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. Someday, that's going to backfire, and he's going to be in a lot of trouble.

Anyway, in happier news, I bought invitations, a matching garter, AND a matching photo album today. The invitations are really pretty and I'm able to print them off at home and they look professional. Everything was pretty inexpensive too! I'm quite happy.

My friend Jake is coming to town tomorrow evening for costume karaoke. I'm glad, I love hanging out with him. It's going to be fun tomorrow, I'm pretty pumped. Probably not going to go to class on Friday. It's pointless because we're not doing anything and my teacher really pissed me off on Monday. I've got all of my assignments done, and early, so there's really no need to complain about one missed class.

booya.

The weekend

Ahhh, what a good weekend!

Came home on Friday, stopped at Hobby Lobby on the way back. Got some stamps, embossing gun, and embossing powder. I've been practicing using the stamps and getting the design of my invitation JUST right. So far, so good. I need to get some better red ink though. Justin met up with me at my house and had dinner with the family. It was fun, my family just loves him. He's a good friend to have, always helping me out with stuff.

Saturday I worked for 9 hours. It was boring, but at least I didn't have to work with my stupid manager and his creepiness/rudeness. He was out of town for the weekend, and told Michael that he had gotten a hotel room up in the city and was spending the weekend with his significant other. Ok, that means my district manager. Michael saw them kissing outside the store one day when he was in Subway. My district manager is definitely married. She's done this before, I'm surprised she's actually still working there. Maybe she's sleeping with her boss too. I think once I quit I'm going to report it. I don't like either one of them, they treat me like crap.

After work I went to hang out with Chip for a bit at his house. Got to see Chelsea and Chip's dog Bogie. VERY cute. Chelsea didn't stay, she had plans with Beth. It was OK though. Justin and Jenna ended up coming out and hanging too. We went and got Chinese food and watched Transformers. It was fun, but Transformers is definitely not as good as everyone was saying. It was pretty cheesy. Redeeming factor was the special effects...but that alone does not make a good movie.

I'm doing laundry today, probably should go get in the shower so Mom and I can possibly go run some errands.

<3

*EDIT*
You know, I always heard that guys don't want to have any part in the wedding planning process. I've always heard that it was the brides who made all the decisions. To me, that sounds daunting. I don't like making huge decisons by myself. I'm so thankful that Ben WANTS to be involved. I told him that I was going to send him some wedding poses, and that I know he may not want to go through them, and he said, "It's important, Danielle, and I want to!" It was very sweet.

This week is almost over!

It's almost Friday...and I couldn't be happier.

I'm leaving for home tomorrow after work. I'm hopefully going to stop by Hobby Lobby and get the stuff I need to make the invitations. I wish I could do it on Saturday, but I've got to work, unfortunately. It'd be nice to go with my mom, so I suppose I have to make some sacrifices.

Yesterday at the daycare, I had just got snack out for the school kids (they hadn't arrived yet) and the tornado sirens started going off! Luckily, I only had one kid! Everyone came out and got by the wall in the hallway. We had infants through age 6 all together. I was terrified, one touched down in the town next to our's and it was supposed to come to us next. I remained calm though and sang songs with the kids to keep them calm. I was so glad when it was all over! The school kids started showing up and Brandy (co-teacher) left me in the room by myself while she went to the front door to wait for students. You're supposed to wait in the classroom. Anyway, she left me there, and I was unable to begin cleaning the bathrooms (I did clean the classroom-her job). Even when the other kids showed up, she didn't come back to the classroom! At 5:30, it was time for me to leave, and I still hadn't done the bathrooms, so I left them for her to do. She can finish up stuff sometimes, she only works 2 hours a day! I guess she complained to my boss though and my boss called me and told me I shouldn't have left. Umm, I have places to be and I ALWAYS end up getting stuck with other people's jobs. It's ridiculous. I had places to be, and I COULDN'T stay. Why isn't she getting upset that me, Mandy, Sarah, and Anna C. are constantly getting left in the infant room by ourselves with 8-10 kids for periods of 1/2 hour or more because Anna B. can't seem to stay in the room and do her job? Why isn't anything being done about that? Hmmm?

In other news, I got my Halloween costume yesterday! I am borrowing it from a friend, which is nice, because costumes are EXPENSIVE! Here it is:

Tired and a little cranky

Yeah, my title pretty much sums it up.


I work a lot, I go to school, I'm no where near being done with my online portfolio, many of my close friends live far away, Ben is in Mississippi...things are just crazy right now.





I'm trying to stay positive, but this lack of sleep and dealing with the movie store boss is really grating on my nerves. I called him to let him know I couldn't work the weekend of the 27th because of a mandatory school function and he was really rude. I'm debating just quitting right now. I'm not happy. I want to spend my weekends relaxing. I work/go to school from 8am until 5 or 6 at night EVERY DAY. It's a little hectic.





Anyway, I've been searching for grass green colored stuff for my wedding, and it's almost impossible to find. Everything is sage, mint, forest, or whatever. I am thinking about just doing a classy black and white wedding. I think it'd be pretty and it'd be a lot easier finding stuff for that color. I could add in accents of green or hot pink if I find them...black goes with everything. Ben is fine with it, I'll just have to talk to Mom and check out the selection at the bridal store where I got my dress.





I'm trying to figure out when Ben is officially going to be home for Christmas so we can schedule our marriage counseling and engagement photos. He's also been given the opportunity to choose his base preferences again. We're picking 2 close to home, one in MA (possibly), and England is our choice for overseas. Pretty exciting!





Some girls are getting together tomorrow evening for dinner at Applebees. It's really hard planning something like that without certain people in the daycare finding out. The majority of us get along and love to visit and hang out, then there's a certain few (ok, one) that we just can't stand. We're meeting over at Applebees so that no one will be suspicious. Hopefully no one that wasn't invited shows up that night!





I found a couple pairs of shoes that I really like for the wedding:

I really like both of them. I wear flats all of the time, and I definitely don't want to wear heels and be uncomfortable all day.

Ahh well, I'm going to get to bed.

Looking!

I've got to find a new job in my hometown. My old boss is gone and the replacement is a total tool. I found out today that my friend Michael, the ONLY person that I enjoy working with, is putting in his two weeks tomorrow. He's going over to another store in town....working with our old manager. I think I'm going to try to get a job there too. There's no way I'm going to be able to put up with this guy for much longer.

I'm home for the weekend, and am watching movies with Mom and Jack. It's nice being here just relaxing.

Almost had a freakout today at work (at the daycare). There's this baby there who is 6 weeks old. His mom is a CRACK HEAD. She puts rice cereal in his bottles. This baby can't suck the formula through the nipple because it is so thick with that stuff. He can eat MAYBE 1/2 an ounce at a time and that's a 30 minute period. It made me cry yesterday because he was so frustrated and was crying and hungry. Today, it was happening again, and I made his bottle without the cereal. He at a whole ounce at once. He started crying again and we realized that he had white bumps all over his mouth. We called his mom and she came and got him, but was pissed. I was called outside and she's like, "Where are the bumps?!" while sticking her dirty fingers into his mouth. I said, "On his gums...and on the roof of his mouth." She just kept sticking her fingers in his mouth. She took him away, and was pissed. She's supposed to bring in a doctor's note for the rice cereal and this Karo syrup she wants us to put in his bottle for constipation. He is NOT constipated. He has bad diareah. When we told her that he needed a doctor's note for that, she's like, "I don't think he'll approve." Ok, then why are you giving it to him?! Honestly, I don't understand how some people can keep having kids (this woman has 3). She has smoked when pregnant with all 3, and all of them have some kind of problem. They all have health issues and are always dirty. It sickens me, parents who don't give a shit about their kids. There are people in this world who absolutely deserve to have kids, but can't, and then people like this woman who keep popping them out like they don't understand what birth control is!
WTF?

I'm done ranting about that, for now.

Still working on wedding plans. I've come up with a design for my invitations. I'm going to draw it up, scan it, and send it to Ben. I love that he wants to be involved with the planning of this wedding! He really does care about the little things, and I just love it!

I'm off to draw up some stuff to send him!

It's all coming together

This week has been such a whirlwind of wedding planning....

So far, I have a photographer, invitation (design), dress, bridesmaids, groomsmen, color, and if it works out, a wedding/reception site! It's all been relatively cheap so far. I'm a thrify lady.
My photographer is charging me for her time. She's bringing her laptop and at the end of the reception, she's going to burn me the pictures right onto cds so I can have them right away! Isn't that awesome?! I asked my bridesmaids last night, and they all said yes, of course. Jenna will be my matron of honor, Bekah, Ashley, and Nikole will be my bridesmaids. Ben has chosen (in which order, I'm not sure yet) Landon, Chip, Eli, and Falco. I think it's going to work out juuuust fine. I've even found little bridesmaids gifts already! It's all coming together so easily, and that just makes me realize how this is actually meant to happen.

I'm going out tonight. No class tomorrow, and I'm soooo thankful! I absolutely HATE my teaching science strategies class. The teacher really has no idea what is going on half the time...and if you're not doing something his way, then you're not doing it rght...even though he never specifies how he wants things done. It's really frustrating getting these passive agressive emails about him thinking our group isn't getting things done. I can't wait to be done with this semester.

Going home this weekend. I have to work on Saturday with the new manager (the one who is actually making me look for another job come December when I go back to student teach). I'm definitely not looking forward to that. He has me scheduled with him and someone else from 9-6 and then there's only one person closing that night. That makes NO sense. There only needs to be one person on days and 2 at night. I don't know why he's acting like a fool. I also think that he's sleeping with the district manager, and he majorly sucks up to her. She's horrible and has run out every manager that's worked at the store for the past 4 1/2 years. He was really snotty to me when I went in to rent movies last Friday, and I was like, "nope, not having this during my student teaching semester!" I'm going to try to get a job at Goodwill. I think that'd be a nice job to have for awhile.

Alrighty, I need to go get ready. I get to go have fun with my friends tonight without leaving early to get rest! haha

<3

I found it, I found it, I found it!!!

Today after the Cass County Living Festival mom and I were heading to Wal-mart to get some frames...

She suggested that we check out the dollar store for frames too...and then I saw the bridal store. I asked mom if we could stop in and look around. We went in and looked around a bit...we were the ONLY people in there. The lady in there asked us if we needed help finding anything. I described the dress that I had in mind and she pulled a dummy out of the window and took the dress off that one. I went and tried it on and...

it fit.

Perfectly.

Like, no alterations needed. Amazing.

I had her hold it for me and then went home to wait for Ben to call so I could talk to him about it. (I already knew I had to have it though). He called, and I told him that I found a wedding dress. He was excited for me and said, "If you don't mind me asking, how much did it cost?" I said, "It's perfect, Ben..." Before I could finish my sentence, he said, "Then it doesn't matter how much it costs." He told me that he wanted me to have my perfect wedding dress. Isn't that so sweet?

After a little bit, I asked mom if we could go back up there so I could try it on again...I did and ended up buying it.

When I walked out in it the first time, mom she held her hand over her heart and sucked in her breath! She loves it and even teared up!

I'm posting a couple pics...

I'm paying for the dress!

Here it is...pictures do not do it justice!

I've been neglecting this....

I know, usually I write in here EVERY day, but I've been so busy since last Thursday, there hasn't been a spare moment. All of my spare time was spent with Ben until Sunday and since then, I've been playing catch up with sleep and homework.



9/28/07-Friday:

• Woke up early and got to the base reception center early. I drank a cup of cocoa and talked to my mom for a bit, then I caught the shuttle bus on base to the graduation site.


• Picked out the closest seat possible to where his flight would be and sat down to wait. Took off my shoes because they were KILLING my feet. (I definitely should have worn panty hose...blisters are no fun.)


• Watched the graduation ceremony, got chills when he marched by and took his Air Force oath with his fellow Airmen.


• Ran down to the field when it was all over and threw my arms around him. I'm so proud!


• Went back to his dorm to see where he had been sleeping/living for the past 6 1/2 weeks. I got to meet his T.I. who was friendly, but VERY intimidating.


• Walked back to the Mini-mall and had lunch with his friend Sawyer. We also went and picked up his pictures in his dress blues. I wish I had a scanner to put them up!


• Waited around until the rental car was ready and went back and hung out at my hotel for awhile. We watched some tv, visited, and listened to music. He wanted a nice relaxing day, and that's what he got!


• We had dinner at Jack in the Box (first time we'd eaten there), and I then had to take him back to the base :(

9/29/07-Saturday

• Woke up early and went to the reception center. I was walking around by myself and one of Ben's friend's families was there and grabbed me and had me come and hang out with them. They were really cool. Parents from Ireland and now they live in NY. It was nice having someone to hang out with.


• Ben showed up a bit late because he had to get his dry cleaning, and we went back to the hotel to make some phone calls before we headed out for the day. After we left the base, we realized that we had to go back so we could buy tickets for the museums we were going to visit that day! We bought tickets to Ripley's Believe It Or Not and Louis Tussads Wax Museum. It was a combo ticket. Without his military discount, it'd be about $19 per person. With it, we payed $12 total. Isn't that AMAZING?!


• We managed to drive to downtown San Antonio without getting lost (how did that happen?! People in Texas drive like bastards) and we went to the Alamo. It was really cool seeing all of that.


• We walked around for a bit more and then went to the 2 museums. I loved both of them. Wish the wax museum would have had more!


• Went down to the Riverwalk and ate at the Hardrock Cafe. It was very expensive! At the end of our meal, we were waiting for the check, and our waiter informed us that someone in the restarant had paid for our meal! Ben insisted that he know who it was so he could thank them, and our waiter pointed over at a man who was getting up to leave. He was going to do it anonymously! Ben thanked him, and the man said, "Thank you for serving our country." I had to put my sunglasses on quickly so I could hide my tears.


• We left downtown San Antonio and headed back to the hotel for awhile. It's nice to hang out there because we could hold hands or hug! When he's in uniform out in public, we can't show PDA.

9/30/07-Sunday

• I got to the mini-mall early that day, the reception center was closed. I met up with Ben outside and we went in with a couple of his friends to get some Starbucks and visit.


• We went to the graduation grounds with a couple of his friends to get some pictures (we weren't able to on graduation day because of all the commotion).


• The rest of the day was spent on base going around to the Base Exchange, the Mini-mall, Burger King, and just driving around. It was a lot of fun!


• The good-bye was incredibly hard. My stomach was aching and it was like someone was taking part of myself away. He was beginning to cry, so we said our "see you soons" (we don't like to say good-bye) and I left. I cried and cried and cried on the way to the airport. I couldn't believe how fast the week had gone by, and I didn't want to be separated again.


• To make matters worse, I got stuck in stand still traffic for an hour and every exit to the airport was blocked off. I had no idea how to get there and managed to get lost. I called the airport and they finally got me directed to this little access road that had no signs about the airport on it.


• Dropped off my car at Enterprise and got slowly shuttled to the right terminal.


• Ran inside, went to the wrong ticket counter...ran across the hall and got to the right one. I heard my name paged to come back to the other ticket counter, but when I ran back, they acted like they hadn't just called me. I thought, "screw it, I'm late" I ran back to the correct ticket counter and realized that my flight was delayed. Thank goodness! I would have missed my flight had it not been delayed!


• I got all checked in with security and got to my gate. Figured out that my connecting flight to KC was delayed too, so hopefully I wouldn't miss it and have to spend the night in the airport.


• Got on my flight and it took FOREVER to take off. It was a long flight too...like 2 and a half hours. When we landed, he took his time getting us to the gate. It was very frustrating. Got off the plane and realized that my connecting flight was leaving in 10 minutes from the other side of the airport. I booked it and RAN. Made it, got on the plane. Landed at like 1am.


• Justin and Jenna picked me up. I was going to spend the night there, but I decided to just go home. Definitely missed class the next morning, but oh well.

Now I'm just trying to plan our wedding for next June....there's sooooo much to do!

My wonderful day

Today was awesome. I'll make a bullet list of events:

• Woke up at 6:15am to get ready and get on base at 7:30am



• Went to BMT reception center for a briefing on rules/information/attractions/events



• Watched my Airman during a run:



• Hung out at the BMT until around 12pm when I went outside and hoarded a seat in the bleachers near where Ben's flight would be.



• At around 1:20pm, the Airmen began marching onto the retreat pad



• 1:30pm-Coin Ceremony



• Afterwards, I got to go up to Ben and give him a hug and a kiss. Honestly, it was like no time had passed between us and it felt so right just being there in his arms...I didn't want to let go!



• We walked around for a bit, rode the bus to the BX (basically, it's a military mall) and got a weird drink and shared a cinnabun.



• We hung out there for awhile and I got to meet some of his friends. They're all so nice!



• We went back out to wait for the bus and took a couple pictures:



• Came back to the mini-mall and I got a cool license plate cover:



• Ate dinner at Subway and then hung out with some guys in his flight at Starbucks until it was time for Ben to march back to his squadron.

All in all, it was a fantastic day!

I can't wait for tomorrow!

ONE MORE DAY!!!

Yeah, I skipped a day writing in here. Yesterday was entirely too busy to get a chance to relax and play on my computer. Here's how my day went:

1. Woke up early, went to the elementary school for another day of observation/helping the 4th grade classroom. I actually got a TON of really cool beginning of the year/end of the year activities. She's going to let me make copies of what she's got, so I've got to get me some notebooks!

2. Went directly to work until 5. Little boy whose parents are divorced is still really attached to me. I was cleaning the bathrooms yesterday and he came along again. He does this EVERY DAY. I told him that he could go wait for me in the classroom because I had to use the restroom, but he waited right outside the door for me.

3. Went back to my dorms to grab a pair of pants that I had forgotten.

4. Drove to Justin/Jenna's house to hang out with Justin before Jenna got home from work. We went and ate some yummy authentic Mexican food, then went back to watch Silence of the Lambs (CREEPY!!!). We hung around and visited for a bit, and then Jenna got home. She showed me a picture of the dress she might be getting for her wedding. It's SO cute. They're doing a little courthouse ceremony and taking pictures around the city for everything. I think it's going to be awesome. Suits them well. I, on the other hand, want a ceremony where I have a beautiful wedding gown, flowers, and all of my family and friends will be attendance.

5. Justin went to bed, he gets up really early for work, and Jenna and I watched Knocked Up. It's the second time I've seen it, and it was even funnier the second time around! I loved it, Jenna loved it, but it makes me a little scared to have a kid.

6. Went to bed.

7. Woke up at like 5:00am when Justin was leaving for work. He woke me up because I needed to cash a check and he was going to give me the money and just have me sign the check over to him. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough to do so, so Jenna did it for me when she woke up and we got bustling around.

8. Now I'm at the airport watching people go by, closely guarding my things. I can't wait to get on my way and get to Texas. I'll have a lonely night tonight because I won't have really anything to do but watch tv/play on the computer. Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for since August 13. I'm so freaking excited.

Soon, I will be seeing him....

THREE MORE DAYS!

How exciting! Only three more days!
I did get a call from Ben last night. It was only about 3 minutes long, but I did get to hear his voice. He told me that he wasn't upset that we didn't get to talk on Saturday, but he was glad we got to on Sunday. Ahhhh. I can't wait.

This morning, I woke up to the hot water being off. This is the third time this year that it has happened. I'm pretty sure that all three times have occurred this month. It's very annoying. What the hell are we paying the maintenence guys to do? Honestly, there are enough of them to get stuff done.

That's all for now, I've got to get to my mock interview.


*************************************************
Well, my mock interview went well. She said that my enthusiasm and excitement was great, but I need to get some more professional clothing...like a business suit. Ummmm, do teachers wear business suits? No.

I'm so glad I don't have to work but 2 days this week...I get a little frustrated at the daycare sometimes. There's just no order there, and it drives me crazy!

I'm supposed to be packing, but all I want to do is lay around for awhile. blah. I've got stuff layed out, I just need to get it packed!

4 MORE DAYS!!!

Ok, so I've figured something out.

Yesterday when I found out that I had missed talking to Ben, I started feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn't anything big until around 10:30 when Chip and Chelsea picked me up to go to our diner. Well, I was feeling sick there, but I miss them a whole lot...and I wanted to visit with them. Well, we have a nice chat there and then we walk out to the car to leave. I start feeling really woozy and think that I'm going to throw up...I got into the car and shut my eyes. Chip started pulling away and we didn't get but maybe 70 yards away from the diner, and I said, "Chip, I need you to pull over." He immediately did and I got out of the car, tucked my hair into my jacket and bent over. Chelsea came out and held my hair for me and I proceeded to throw up like 5 times. It was disgusting. I felt better afterwards, and thanked them for being understanding. I went home and had another little episode in my bathroom. Felt better and went and had a talk with my brother. I told him what had happened and said that I felt like how I did the night before Ben left for the hotel to go to basic. My brother looked at me and said, "Well, then it must not have been food that upset your stomach the last time. You were worried about him and afraid for him and it upset your stomach. Same thing is happening tonight because you missed the call from him. Your nerves are making you physically sick." Wow, I had not put 2 and 2 together. It seems so obvious now, and I've never had thsi problem before! I've never been physically sick from being upset. It's really weird.

I'm taking it easy today. I woke up incredibly sore (lower back and legs) but a hot shower helped a bit. I took some IB profen and that's made me feel a lot better. I just hate feeling like I don't have control over my body.

I only have to make it through the next 4 days....only 2 until I spend the night with Justin and Jenna, 3 until I leave for TX, and 4 until I see Ben.

Mom told me that Ben said that we get to hang out on Thursday too! I'm so excited! I hope his graduation doesn't take too long. I'm totally ready to go out and about with him. I hope I see some people get engaged at the graduation! My friend Ryan said that at his graduation, there were a few proposals. It'll be neat to see all that!

I'm off. I need to quit being a bum and get ready to go back to school. (blech.)

FIVE MORE DAYS!

Oh boy, I had quite a day yesterday. I woke up at 6:55am, went into the bathroom for my nice hot shower to help me wake up...and the water was icy cold. No heat... My hair was crazy, so I had to do something about it. I ended up washing it in freezing water...not a good way to begin my morning! So I dealt with it and headed to an elementary school in town to teach a science lesson to a class that I had not prepared for. My group and I taught the lesson, and it actually went really well. I really enjoyed it.
After that, I went and got some coffee and headed in to work. I went in and worked for about 5 hours...then the drive home...and work at my job here in town. Luckily, my friend Michael was working, so it was a nice night. Unfortunately, this weird old lady was working, and she kept saying the weirdest stuff! It was totally bizarre and Michael kept giving me these looks like, "Who IS this lady?!?"
So I went home, after a 14 hour day and basically passed out.

This morning I woke up early to go to get to the bank and deposit some money (mom still has not given me her's and Alex's phone bill money from last month...kind of frustrating!). I then headed off for Justin and Jenna's so Justin and I could get out to Worlds of Fun. His friend Amanda came along, and she's a lot of fun. We rode some rides and walked around until about 2:30ish and then Amanda had to leave. Justin and I rode a few more rides and then decided to call it a day. We went back to his house and decided to go see a movie. We went and saw Halloween. It was actually pretty good! Rob Zombie is a creepy M-Fer and it was cool to see the background info on Michael Myers. I left after the movie and checked my phone. Chip and Paul had called me and left voicemails, so I checked them. The first one was Paul telling me to call him back (whoops, I never did) and the second was NOT Chip. It was...

BEN.

Yes, my phone had not registered him calling, and just went straight to voicemail.

I freaked.

I called my mom and she told me that he had called and she had talked to him for a bit and told him where I was and he was very understanding. I feel awful. He never calls on Saturdays though, so I definitely wasn't expecting it! Geeze...my stomach just feels awful over all of this. I really hope he gets to call again tomorrow. My phone will not leave my side.

I only have a few more days until I get to see him....I need to keep my spirits up.

I'm meeting up with some friends at our little diner tonight, so hopefully that'll cheer me up.

xoxo

ONE WEEK!!!

Yes, in one week, I will be able to hug my darling and kiss him right on the lips!

I confronted the girl at work today in a very professional manner. She acted like a child. She kept saying, "Okay, okay, okay...." whenever I would talk. It was very immature. Apparently afterwards, she cried. I'm definitely not intimitating. I just wanted to fix the situation because I was tired of people coming up and telling me that she was bad mouthing me behind my back. Whatever, she's having problems with several people, so I know it's not me. She needs to grow up...stop playing with her cell phone and do her job, stop coming in to work with a hangover, and get off your high horse and quit bossing people around!

Anyway, tonight is karaoke night, and I stayed in. I have a 2 hour 8am class tomorrow, and then I work for 12 hours. blah. I have to get up a bit early on Saturday...I'm going to Worlds of Fun with Justin. That'll be fun. It might end up just being us 2 because his fiance has to volunteer somewhere. It'll be alright though, Justin and I don't get to spend quality time together very much.

I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll be able to stay awake tomorrow...


ONE WEEK!

EIGHT MORE DAYS!

This time next week, I'll be lying across a king size bed in a hotel room waiting anxiously for the next day when I get to see my darling.
I can't freaking wait. This is going to be amazing.
This is going to be awesome!

I need to rent a car. Ben told me he'd take care of the cost of that. Thank goodness! I've spent enough already! I know it'll be kind of pricey, but we'll need it when we have our town passes!

I started my Frankenstein paper. I had to return my book today, so now I don't have any way to quote it or anything. I'm going to have to borrow a book from someone...I can't just use the quotes off of Cliff's Notes! haha...that is what I'm using though!

My cough will NOT go away. It's KILLING ME. I've taken a benadrill (not sure if that's how you spell it), so I think I may stop working on my paper because they always make me really tired.

Today was an EXTREMELY stressful day at the daycare. We had 2 people call in, so I got stuck cleaning the kitchen, 4 bathrooms, AND my classroom while watching 30 school age kids. Luckily, my friend Jessica who works there, took my class outside so I could get my cleaning done. I was rushing about trying to get stuff done by 5 when she had to leave and no one else was helping me out. There are 2 teachers in the two year olds room and neither one of them stepped out to help. In fact, this bitch M, actually told me (after I had taken out the trash) that I needed to come back later to check the diaper trash again because she wasn't done with diapers. Hmmm, no bitch, you're going to take it out yourself. Get off of your cell phone, stop talking about your soriety and do your freaking job. So I was just stressed. This is strike 3 for that girl with me...next time she tells me to do something, I'm going to go off. A few days ago, I was taking out trash and she goes, "Take the diaper trash" Ummmm, I know. Does she not realize that I've been there longer than she has? Then yesterday, B told me that M was complaining that I hadn't taken out the trash on Friday and it was left all weekend. Funny...I left at 1 on Friday. Trash isn't taken out until around 4:30/5:00ish. So who was supposed to take it out? Not me...but she blamed it on me. I swear...she doesn't know who she's messing with. No one at work has seen my mean side, but she's about to unleash it and it's not going to be pretty.

Anyway...I just looked up some information on my hotel that I'm staying in. I think I'll be able to keep myself busy...they've got an outdoor pool AND an indoor hottub! So when I'm there without Ben, I can go swimming and relax. I guess I should bring some magazines or a book with me to read. That'll be so nice!

I'm looking up wedding dresses right now. I really hope I can find the PERFECT one. I'm incredibly picky...and it's going to be even worse while I'm finding a wedding dress!

I'm off to go browse the internet. Hopefully this cough won't kill me tonight.

9 MORE DAYS!

I sent off a couple letters and some pictures to Ben today. I hope he gets them soon!

Nothing really exciting happened today, I did my second PDS class. I really love it! It is going to be so much work to run a classroom of my own, but I know through doing these courses and student teaching, I'll be more prepared. I just have to be positive and know it's going to suck for awhile. Every teacher I've talked to has told me that.

I'm working on getting all of my homework for the next two weeks done before I leave for TX. It's going to be hard, but I've got some done already. I'm most dreading doing my Frankenstein paper because I haven't read the book. I tried, but it's SO boring, and there's other books that I'm actually interested in reading. It's so hard for me to read something I'm completely not interested in. Oh well...I think I'll be ok. I'm going to go over my paper with a friend that actually read most of it...hopefully that'll help. I usually do well with stuff like this, but I'm just nervous because this is the first thing we're turning in, so I don't know how he grades yet. Let's pray that I do well...because I'm not going to read that damn book. I don't think they take interest/relevancy into consideration when assigning books...he's done so much more on the French Revolution...we spent ONE DAY (not even the entire period) talking about the romantic period...and that's what our paper is supposed to relate to. blah.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll get on myspace and start browsing through people's myspaces that I know or knew...and some of them just make me sick. I mean, how can people be such tools? How can people be so lame and gross? I just can't imagine acting/saying stuff that they do, and it kind of makes me pity them. Maybe I'm acting all high and mighty...but I don't think so.

Anyway, that's all for now...except I wish something would be done about the people screaming and laughing in the lobby (right by my door) at 1 in the morning. I want to punch all of them in the gut.

NINE MORE DAYS!
NINE MORE DAYS!
NINE MORE DAYS!

TEN MORE DAYS!

I can't believe it, but in 10 days, I get to see the love of my life.

It's been one month and four days. (WAY too long) I looked on the schedule sheet, and it says something about the airmen getting base liberty after some ceremony at 2:30. So...that's like another couple hours with Ben that I didn't know I was getting!!! Super exciting.

Today was a long day. I'm not really sure why it was so long, but work seemed to drag, school dragged, and my trip to walmart dragged. It feels so good to lay on my bed and play around on the internet.

I wish I had money.

blah, I'd better go work on some homework or something.

Relief

Wow, yesterday was a bit stressful.

Around 6:40pm, I heard my voicemail tone from my phone. My phone was in my pocket, and hadn't rang, so I wondered what was up. I checked my voicemail, and Ben had called...TWICE. My phone had failed me. He sounded so sad on the phone, and I just started bawling. I couldn't believe that I had missed his call...I keep my phone on me at all times! I called my mom to tell her what had happened, and to cry to her, and he called again! Oh my, what a relief! I was crying when I answered the phone, and he was so relieved!
Here's the update:
Ben is doing good. He got back from Warrior Week yesterday...and he HATED it! I'm sure it was rough. He has to go back tomorrow and on Monday he retakes the gas mask test...which means he goes back in the gas chamber. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. He'll do fine, but just knowing that he's in that situation makes me want to throw up.

He got his pictures taken in his blues. (I GET AN 8x10 AND A WALLET!) I'm super excited to see them. He also ordered a training video that's about three hours long that shows footage from basic training. He says that there's a video of the graduation that you can order too! Amazing.

He needs thoughts and prayers. He is trying to complete his physical training for his evaluation and needs to do 45 push ups in a minute and 50 situps in a minute. He's working really hard on it, and if he doesn't make it, he gets put into this group...if he still can't make it, he gets recycled back a week...which means my plane ticket/hotel reservation is basically gone. Please pray for him and pray that we'll both have some peace of mind about all of this. I know he can do it. He's done so much already! Today, he ran a 5K!!! Can you believe that? He says he's losing weight.

He has another evaluation coming up, so tonight he had to shine his shoes and clip the strings off his blues. Everything has to be perfect.

I can't even explain the relief I felt after talking to him. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest and I could breathe again.

Only 11 more days until I get to see him....11 more days...

A lazy day

I'm having a lazy day. I've just been laying around all day...playing on the computer, drawing, and just bumming around. It's been quite nice.



I'm going to work on some crafty stuff tonight. I'm pretty pumped about it. I don't know why I'm not doing it already...I guess I just felt the urge to write in here.



I don't have much to say except that I am missing him like crazy. It's getting ridiculous, and it feels like...it's taking FOREVER for him to graduate basic training.



I filled out a form that I'm going to hand in to student teach. I've chosen 4 different towns to student teach in, and hopefully, I'll get my first choice! I'm hoping hoping hoping!



Time to go be crafty.




*EDIT*
This is the bulletin I posted on myspace after talking to Ben:
Wow, what a stressful minute. I heard my voicemail tone, checked it, and apparently, Ben had tried to call me twice. I thought all hope was lost...but he called back again.(I hate my phone...it was in my pocket and didn't ring!!!)Ben is doing good. He got back from Warrior Week yesterday...and he HATED it! I'm sure it was rough. He has to go back tomorrow and on Monday he retakes the gas mask test...which means he goes back in the gas chamber. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach. He'll do fine, but just knowing that he's in that situation makes me want to throw up.

He got his pictures taken in his blues. (I GET AN 8x10 AND A WALLET!) I'm super excited to see them. He also ordered a training video that's about three hours long that shows footage from basic training. He says that there's a video of the graduation that you can order too! Amazing.

He needs your thoughts and prayers. He is trying to complete his physical training for his evaluation and needs to do 45 push ups in a minute and 50 situps in a minute. He's working really hard on it, and if he doesn't make it, he gets put into this group...if he still can't make it, he gets recycled back a week...which means my plane ticket/hotel reservation is basically gone. Please pray for him and pray that we'll both have some peace of mind about all of this. I know he can do it. He's done so much already! Today, he ran a 5K!!! Can you believe that? He says he's losing weight.He has another evaluation coming up, so tonight he had to shine his shoes and clip the strings off his blues. Everything has to be perfect.

ATTENTION:He wants people to send him letters and pictures!!! Please do so! You'd want people to do the same if you were off in another state without your family or friends!If you'd like his address, please send me a message and I will give it to you!

That's all, just remember to keep him in your thoughts and prayers!

Fridays are sleepy days

After going out on Thursdays, then waking up at like 6:55am on Fridays...I get a little exhausted and end up crashing on Friday nights. I know it's probably not good for me, but Thursdays are the only nights I go out really, so whatev.

Today was a pretty good day. I went to class (boring), went to work, and came home. I did find a song that made me cry on the way home though. It's by HelloGoodbye, and I am going to post the lyrics:

"Oh, It Is Love"
Oh, it is love
From the first time I set my eyes up on yours
Thinking oh, is it love?
Oh dearIt's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.
Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me
Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clearI kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?
Oh it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips onto yours
Thinking oh is it love?

It just made me think of Ben and how much I miss him. The days are going by so slowly, and it's almost driving me insane!

In other news, I bought Harry and the Hendersons tonight at Walmart for $9.94! Amazing, right? I know Wal-mart is supposed to be this gigantic corporation and it's evil and whatnot, but I find the coolest stuff there!

I'm off to watch my new movie and probably cry...because I remember crying when I watched it when I was little. Maybe it's what I need to do.

Oh dear.

Today started off rocky. I went into work early because there was a girl who needed to go the doctor. I worked in the infant room and all of the babies cried and cried and cried. NOTHING could comfort them! Not even holding them and playing with them was satisfying them. It was REALLY frustrating. Then, we had an AFLAC guy come in and when I asked about whether or not a pre-existing condition treatment would be covered, he said no. Then he went on to say something like people need to always be covered in case something happens because if they have a pre-existing condition, they're uninsurable. That guy was gambling his life by pissing me off at that moment. I seriously left work in tears.
I picked myself up and called my mom. She always makes me feel better.

I went to class, then baaaaaack to work. yaaaay. This time, it was a bit better, but I am a bit tired of this girl I work with complaining about me. I am doing my best, and if there was a set routine in the classroom, I think it would run more smoothly. But noooooooooo, she taught it last year and thinks that she knows what she's doing. There is absolutely no order and it drives me crazy.

Anyway, I left work, had dinner with Ashley, and came back and vegged out for the rest of the night. It was quite nice. I'm trying to be positive about stuff, because if I let myself get down, it'll be really hard to bring myself up. There's a lot of stuff that could keep me down, and a lot of that is Ben being away and me missing him.

Ohhh boy.

Tomorrow is karaoke night! I hope it's a fun night!

*Also, why the hell does my suitemate take showers at 11:30pm? It's so freaking annoying*

The days are great!

Ok, I've just been having a great week so far! Classes have been good, life has been good, friends have been good. The only thing that would make it better would be if Ben was around. (but I'll see him in 2 weeks and 1 day!)

Today was my first day of PDS. It was amazing. I actually had a great teacher who was all willing to let me get out into the class and help out during lessons. She's great with sharing information and really getting both me and my partner out there into teaching. The kids really warmed up too. We had to go outside for a pledge at the flagpole (as it was Patriot Day) and it was a bit chilly. One girl had on a long-sleeve shirt and a jacket and gave me her jacket to wear! Luckily, I'm small enough that it fit! Later on, some of the kids asked me if I would play four square with them when we went out for recess. It was a lot of fun, and it was great seeing the actual teacher playing too! She didn't just stand back and observe the kids.

I went to the Independence Center with my friend Ashley today. We went to a few shops and managed to find a beautiful dress for me to wear to Ben's graduation. I wish it was online so I could post a picture, but alas, it's not on the website. Fortunately, I'll take a bazillion pictures while I'm in Texas, so there'll be some of me wearing it. I also found the cutest pair of high heeled shoes for $7! All in all, the dress and shoes cost me less than $40. That's all I really wanted too.

Ashley and I came across a variety of...well, "dull light bulbs" at the mall. The girls at the store I bought my dress at were saying stuff like, "Oh-mi-gawd! I like love you!" "No way, I like totally love you way more!" "Umm, like, do you guys want to go get candy at that Tropicana place?" "No way, like, isn't that place for like, healthy ice cream or something?" Yeah. Ashley and I just wanted them to hurry up so we could get the hell out of there before our IQs dropped any more.
There was a girl working at the pretzel place that was overly excited to be there. "You have a SUPER day and thanks SO MUCH for coming and visiting us! COME BACK SOON!!!" Yeah, it was a little weird. It was a good laugh though.
Then there were the greasy, gothic, punk wanna-be kids at the pet store that kept tapping on the glass (there are clearly pointed signs that say not to do that) and they kept sticking their hands and faces into the open top "cages". I really wanted a ferret to just jump up and bite them in the face. I also wonder if anyone has ever explained the full benefits of taking showers. I wanted to, but that would involve face to face contact, and I just wasn't up for that. Again, Ashley and I got a good laugh.

I'm really enjoying my new laptop. I'm looking forward to using it for future projects AND bringing it to TX. I want to be able to let Ben check his internet stuff AND I want to watch movies on the plane. (How high tech am I?)

Oh, and something that's kind of bothering me. A "friend" of mine just had a baby. Throughout various points of her pregnancy I would call her, check up on her, give her advice (if needed), or just give her an open ear to vent to. I thought I was being a pretty good friend. She never called me or contacted any of the people in my friends group. After her baby was born, I went over and visited a few times, still called her, checked up on her via myspace, etc...and one day she just stopped responding. Ok. That's fine. If she didn't have time, that was ok. I would still comment on her many blogs, complaining about how awful everything always is for her. I read one the other day about how terrible people were because they don't call her to hang out and she is blaming it on everyone just wanting to drink all the time and she's grown up and mature and has a baby. (Oh, and how did she get pregnant? Oh, sleeping with some guy she didn't even LIKE and STILL doesn't. She's living with him because he and his family pay for everything. Yeah, that's mature). Anyway, she says that I never invite her to do anything. Ok, I never invite anyone to do anything. If you talk to me, you know what's going on. Most of what I do goes on in Warrensburg. If she doesn't call me or comment me back, then how is she going to know what's going on? Hmmmm? Yeah. Just kind of bothers me that she is complaining all the time about how terrible her life is and then saying in EVERY BLOG how much she loves her baby and how grown up she is. It just seems like she's trying to convince herself of something. It's dumb and I'm done with it. I don't go the extra mile for people who are like that. I'm not going to go out of my way for someone who doesn't even respond to me! That's just silly!
Oh, and she mentioned something about Ben not being a good friend because he didn't invite her to do stuff. Ummmm, remember how he's in bootcamp? Yeah. Oh, and Chip because he didn't invite her to his housewarming party. Just like Jessica, she's getting upset at me for not inviting her to an event that I'm not throwing! Those two are like peas in a pod and can have each other for friends. I have way too many other things to think about and way too many other friends that I'd rather talk to. Seriously...and this isn't the first time this has happened with this person. She's pulled this shit before. Guess I should stop being so nice and just write her out of my life.
*end rant*

Funny thing is, even that crap didn't shake my great mood.


Come ON September 26th! When are you going to get here already?!?

What a day, what a day!

What a fantastic day I had yesterday!

1. I finally bought myself a laptop. I realize that I will need one for student teaching AND when I actually go into the field to teach, I'll need one to take to class. I think I made the right decision. I even got approved for a $4000 credit card at Best Buy! When I use it, I get reward points and gift cards for Best Buy. Pretty cool, right?

2. Mom and I got to hang out the entire day WITHOUT GATOR. There was no mean-ness, there wasn't anybody trying to make us feel bad or trying to make us buy him everything he sets his eyes on. It was a wonderful, relaxing day of walking around and shopping. We ate Chinese, walked around the various stores, and just had a grand time!

3. We went into Borders to hang out for a bit while my computer was getting ready, and as we were leaving, I spotted this book that I've been wanting to read since April on a shelf! I picked it up and it was only $7...so I got it. The Golden Compass.

4. Mom and I went to Wal-mart afterwards and I checked out the calendars. Guess what I found...THE OFFICE CALENDAR. Only $4.93. Yes, I bought it.

5. As I was sitting at the kitchen table, playing with my new laptop, my phone rings. It was BEN! I got to talk to him for a bit. He told me that their flight had done really well and they had received 2 hours base liberty! He had a calling card and was able to call me TWICE last night. It was amazing talking to him, and hearing all about what is going on with his life and everything. I'm checking off the days...I can't wait to go to Texas! I asked him last night if he was still wanting to get married next summer. He said, "Well, yeah, that's what I've been telling everyone! Start looking at dates so we can pick one out!" I told him that I wanted to make it "official" and he told me that we could do that when he was in tech school.

September 26th isn't coming fast enough!

6. I went to Chip's housewarming party last night and hung out with a lot of really sweet people that I don't get to see much of...besides with a bunch of party sluts in Warrensburg. I really do miss the days when we could all get together and see one another outside of Warrensburg not have a bunch of random drunk people around like it is at the 400. Oh well.
Eli and I had some really good talks about Ben. He misses him like CRAZY, even cried in front of me last night. He wishes he would have joined up with Ben and would have gone to basic and tech school with him. When I told him that some stuff he did reminded me of Ben, he teared up and told me that that made him really happy. He wants to get his shit together so that he can take a trip and go see Ben. There was more, but that was basically what we talked about.


Today is grandparent's day, so the grandkids and the respective parents are all going over to my grandad's house for a little get together. It'll be fun!

Most annoying cough

I have the most annoying cough in the entire world. Not only is it annoying to me (to hear it AND to actually do it), but it's annoying to others because it's so loud. This is my curse, this is one of the many reasons I hate germs and hate getting sick. Blah.

So why is it that black people listen to their music so loud? Are they hard of hearing? It would explain why they're so loud too. And why do they always dance? There's a group of girls on my hall that go into the lobby and make up loud obnoxious dances. It's really annoying. I don't really understand it. Honestly, this town, this college, this police department is making me incredibly racist. I'm seeing that the complaints of stereotyping should be ignored most of the time...because the "stereotypes" are actually TRUTH. I've never known anyone personally who has gotten jumped by a group of white people, or robbed by a white person, or attacked by a white person. My mom, Ben, Chuck, Chip, and Jimmy have all had something like the aforementioned happen. Why is that? How can I know 5 people who have had terrible experiences with black people (more than one black person) and it not be called TRUTH? I guess I'm just pretty fed up with constantly having to deal with the black people here who aren't considerate of anyone else and act like everyone owes them something all the time. ATTENTION: I DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING. (and neither does anyone else....there aren't any slaves alive anymore, and probably no children of slaves. America has bent over backwards creating the NAACP, Negro College Fund, BET, and every other Black entertainment/achievement/whatever award. Somehow, that's not racist, and somehow, they still think we owe them something. I'm fucking sick of it.)


Enough with the ranting.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm not really sure why, but I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a darn good day.

(Only 21 more days until I go to visit Ben!) YIPPEE!

Ooohhh, what a day...

My day started off on the wrong foot.
*My alarm was set AND on, yet didn't go off. When I woke up, I had 12 minutes to get ready and get to an elementary school that is about 10 minutes away.
*When I got back from the elementary school, I parked in a parking lot I thought was for students...turns out, it was for faculty and I got a ticket. (I am appealing it)
*I tried on a really cute dress that was on sale...but my boobs wouldn't fit into it.

When I got home from work tonight, I went for a relaxing swim, ate dinner, and now I'm watching the office and having a beer. Good ending to a day that could've been a lot worse. I could have bitched and complained, but I kept a smile on my face. Hopefully, since today started off badly, tomorrow will be an excellent day!


I really wish I was OFFICIALLY engaged. I feel like I can't start planning for a wedding until Ben ACTUALLY proposes...and if we're supposed to get married next summer, I need to start planning!

Heck yeah!

I went home on Friday...and had a letter from Ben waiting for me there! Yippee! He only had 10 minutes to write it, so he gave me some info about what's going on with him and told me he loves me and misses me a bunch. I have a couple letters and some pictures to send out tomorrow. I've been looking up stuff to do in Texas...Six Flags, Sea World, Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum...there's a ton. Ben can get into Six Flags and Sea World for free! YAY!

I got a call from him tonight, only 4minutes 50seconds long. Not too long, but just enough time to get butterflies in my stomach from hearing his voice. I'm missing him like crazy right now. I would do just about anything to see him right now.

September 26th isn't going to come soon enough.

I'm leaving on the 25th to go up to Justin and Jenna's house. I'm staying the night there and leaving my car there for the duration of my trip. Either Justin or Jenna will take me and pick me up from the airport. It's really nice having such awesome friends.

Uplifting

Since my letter/phone call from Ben, my spirit has been lifted. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore disappointing days of no communication, I get 2 in one day! I know I should be getting a letter either tomorrow or the next day, so that's what's keeping me going. I miss him so much!

I had quite a day today at the daycare and got projectile puked on by a baby. I then had to drive home and change because it was EVERYWHERE. No biggie...just one of the hazards of the job!

I don't really have much to say except...28 more days!

TODAY! TODAY! TOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAY!

I love today.

Today is the best.

Today is fabulous.

Today, I heard from Ben!!!!!

I got a letter in the mail with his handwriting on the envelope, and it was filled with graduation information and stuff, nothing personal. It was ENOUGH though. It was enough that I had something that he had sent to me, actually written on with his scribbly childish handwriting. I got home from dinner and my phone rang. IT WAS HIM! I recognized the 21o area code right away! This time, I didn't bawl my eyes out. I did start to choke up a bit, especially when I told him that I missed my rock and he told me that he missed me incredibly and that he cried a bit. I just love him so very very much. I told him that I was flying out for his graduation and he told me he'd help me pay for it! That's a relief. I think Jack might help too. With hotel/airfare/car rental, it's going to be quite pricey. Amazing.
That's how I feel.
AMAZING.
He said he's tired and sore and that he gets yelled at a lot...but that's normal. Honestly, the conversation is kind of a blur of happiness. I was just so happy to hear from him! I'm still soooo happy.

This has been such a great day. I can't wait to spread the smiles and happiness around.

I'm supposed to get another letter tomorrow or the next day. He's got another one too, just hasn't sent it yet. I mailed one off today, so he should get it Thursday or so. I'm mailing another one off tomorrow.
The post office is going to love me.

I think I'm going to go buy an Air Force hoodie.

still waiting...

Waiting
Waiting
Waiting.

I hate basic training! I hate everything about it right now, except Ben! Grrrrrrr. It's so hard not hearing from him! I have this false hope that he'll call today, but I just know that if I get my hopes up too high, I'll just be disappointed...just like I have been all week with no letters.

I want it to be the end of September RIGHT NOW.

I went to the movies with Chris, Jake, and Mike (booo!) last night. We went to Maccronni Grill and then to the Glenwood theater. Saw "Once" which is about a singer/songwriter and him meeting this girl. Very good indie film. I really didn't like the ending though. I would have done it differently. Afterwards, we went and hung out with Jake at his house. Visited with the guys, Jake's dad, brother, and sister-in-law. It was fun, but I was ready to go home...very tired!
I talked to Landon last night too. He has cut all ties with Nikole and is happier than he's ever been. Apparently, she was being really negative and mean to him and after awhile, he just couldn't take it anymore. It's weird though, because I've been talking to her and she misses him like crazy and wants to be with him. Oh well. I don't know what to say besides I'm happy that Landon is happy. He needs it. The new girl he's dating is helping him get his life in order and he's planning on moving back to MO to work with his dad and save up for a car. Seems like this is the first step of many on the path to get his life in order. He's attributing it to God, of course. He said that God's been working overtime and that seeing Ben get his life together and doing something for the future helped him see that he needed to do the same thing. It was a nice thing to hear, and I'm sincerely happy for him.

I'm off to watch XFILES.